Lacuna [1] {Completed}

Chapter Nineteen

"Naz (n.) the pride that comes from knowing you are loved no matter what you do"

Erin couldn't sleep. Her conversation with Steve kept ringing in her ears like a church bell.

You're a child. You have no idea... the things I have seen.... We need you.... Bucky needs you.

Over and over the words shoved against her brain like waves on sand.

She still couldn't bring herself to believe she had said those things to him, a man she had grown up admiring. You think you stand for justice, but you don't know the first thing about it.

Erin heard a soft tap on her bedroom door. She thought about pretending to be asleep, but maybe it was Wanda. She always knew what to say to make Erin feel more at ease.

She shoved the covers off of her and walked towards the door. She opened it to find Bucky standing outside. No matter how many times she looked at him and knew his face, his blue eyes still took her breath away.

"Can I come in?" He asked softly.

Erin nodded and stepped aside.

They sat on her bed like they had a few nights ago. Except this time, they were closer, and more comfortable with each other, like they figured out that they seemed to fit.

"I talked to Steve," Bucky said.

Erin instantly looked down, ashamed. "Did he tell you all the awful things I said to him?"

"He told me you said some... strong things." Bucky didn't seem mad or disappointed, but Erin still had trouble reading his emotions, "Hey," He said making her look at him, "Want to tell me what it was really about?"

Erin hesitated. Telling him what was on her mind... she wasn't sure she was ready. Once she put it out there, it would make it real, a tangible weakness and it scared the hell out of her. So she did what she did best, she dodged the question with another question, "You want to tell me why you decided to be a sitting duck?"

"It's the fastest way-"

"Oh bullshit!" Erin said getting up from the bed. She began pacing around her room. She came to a stop in front of Bucky who was now sitting at the edge of her bed, his hands folded together as if he were trying to decide something. "I want to know why you so recklessly want to put yourself in harms way? After everything that's been done to save you, you want to risk your neck again?"

"It's not like that," Bucky said standing up from the bed. He stood towering over Erin like he always did. Damn him. "If we want this over fast, it's the only option we have. Everyone else...I'm the logical choice."

Oh. She thought. Now she understood. "So that's it?" She said mockingly, "You want to sacrifice yourself because you think you aren't worth it?"

"I'm expendable-"

"Not to me you're not! Don't you get that?" There it was, the truth she had tried to hide was out in the open. "And I'm sure as hell you aren't to Steve either," She added quietly.

He didn't say anything, but he had a sad look in his eye. Erin knew that look only came when he vanished to a far off planet she could never reach. She wasn't sure she ever would.

"I don't want you to do this," She begged quietly.

Bucky got up and walked closer to her. He put his hand under her chin, forcing her to look at him and gave her a small reassuring smile, "I trust Steve. We have a plan."