The Love Hotline [ ✓ ]

V

Gideon | Carys

How's life, Cupid?

Peachy. Just peachy.

You don't sound peachy.

Oh trust me. I'm over the fucking moon.

You can swear?

Yeah. When I'm peachy.

Okay what happened?

My mum came home with pizza.

whAT?! AND YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT THAT!? YOUR MUM IS A GODDESS. I CAN EAT THE PIZZA IN YOUR PLACE!

No you don't understand. She came home with a pizza that had anchovies in it.

Oh.

Yeah. Exactly. So now I have no lunch on a Saturday.

Come to where I work and I'll give you a discount.

Seriously? Oh my god you're amazing.

Yeah I know. I work at John's Furniture Store.

Ha ha you're so funny.

Glad to make you laugh, love.

You haven't pretended to be British for three weeks so you decide to break the streak?

That rhymed.

What?
Oh my god. That was NOT intentional.

Sure. Whatever you say, love.

Shut up.

Aww. You're becoming a baby me.

I'd rather not. Being close to you has already become toxic.

We're close? I feel so flattered right now.

No good comes from talking to someone like you, Gideon.

What do you mean, 'someone like me'?

An egotistical baseball player who thinks girls will fall at his feet because he's... him.

I'm not gonna lie. That's pretty accurate.

You're not even going to protest at the egotistical part? Maybe you have matured.

Of course I have. You're not the only one benefiting from our weekly chats.

I'm sorry what? Did you just say that I was also benefiting from talking to you?

Yeah. You get the attention of me, Gideon Payne.

Bullshit. You don't even know who I am.

But on text, we're almost like best friends, Cupid.

No. I refuse to be friends with the likes of you.

I'm hurt, Cupid.

Good.

I never thought Cupid was a sadist.

Why else would I have not given you much advice with Lydia? ;)

You're a snake.

Why thank you, kind sir. You're a dog.

Did you escape from a mental asylum?

No.

Okay.

What? You didn't even have anything else to say after that? You are hopeless. No wonder Lydia sees nothing in you.

Well excuse me for not pushing it further.

You're excused. But seriously, you need to work on your comebacks. They are as weak as your tolerance for alcohol.

We don't talk about that.

Yes we do. Did you see the videos? My favourite part was when you started belting out the Sesame Street Theme after one cup of alcohol.

Shut up, snake.

Never, dog. OH! And I also liked the part where you were rejected by LYDIA when you confessed.

I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up...

This is why I avoid parties.

Were you even invited?

Of course I was. It was Kelly's birthday party, and she loves me.

Okay.

But you, dog, are more idiotic than I thought. Did you know that you were that bad with alcohol?

...yes.

Idiot dog.

Bitchy snake.

Thanks <3

You're welcome.

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