"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Talk down on yourself. Every time you get frustrated with yourself you resort to talking bad about yourself."
"Those are just the words I use." I mumbled irritated at the conversation. I didn't sign up to be judged...
Ugh. Why? It's like America is punishing its youth. They make us go to school 9 months out if the year, but we only have two and a half months out of the shit hole. Most of the people I know have part time jobs during the summer, so they never get a break. I look over at my alarm seeing 6:30 in big red numbers. Great, I'm late again.
I roll out of bed because I'm dead to the world. I shouldn't have stayed up till eleven watching reruns of kpop shows. Yes, I said kpop. Ain't nothing wrong with it. Some of the boys are fine as hell over in Korea. Much nicer than some of these niggas. Oh I just noticed I'm being really rude.
My name is Shant'A Bunnt. Shant'A like (Shawn - tae) and Bunnt like the cake cause I got the cakes. Lol I'm kidding y'all. I'm 17, but 18 in May. I'm a senior in high school with pretty good grades. I go to West Valley Highschool in Kentucky. I'm very fat or plush, as I would like to call it.
Not too many black people live in this part of the state, better yet fat black people. That's a red state for you I guess. I'm lucky to live in a part of town where the middle class black people stay.
I have roasted chestnut skin and naturally long lashes that compliment my chocolate eyes. I wear a x-large in shirts and most times an eighteen in pants. I have a big ass, thighs, and boobs. My waist has flab on it that I would like to get rid of sometime soon. My gut isn't too big but it is almost the same size of my butt. Can you say pregnant from the front and the back? When I used to wear tight clothes people said I looked horrible or like a white because of the huge lump of fat. I bet if I was slim they wouldn't care about how I dressed. Of course I stopped wearing tight things after that. Anyway, back to the introduction.
My hair is big and natural. I have 4c hair texture, but I usually choose not to deal with it and just put it in a puff ball. Don't get me wrong I love my hair, but it's too hard to manage. Plus natural hair products are not cheap.
I'm 5'7, so kinda tall for a girl in my school. Boys didn't want to be with me when I was in elementary school because of how tall I was. That kind of affected me as I got older. I think I really intimidated the guys I liked.
Not only was I tall and curvy at a young age. I also have a sharp tongue toward people I like. My "friends" had to get used to how blunt I speak. I spare no one's feelings in almost every situation. I can be brutally honest with people. They never understand that I just think they deserve the truth no matter what. When I was younger my mother was disiplining me because she thought I turned on the tv while I was supposed to be cleaning. Really it was my older brother. He lied on me. When she asked who did it I boldy, as body as a three year old could, replied with 'what I got to lie for?'
Like I said-bold.
Sometimes I see all these skinny girls with the cute guys and wish I was like them. Then maybe I would have somebody to love me. Hold me. Treat me right. Someone that wouldn't leave me or be embarrassed of me. Real love.
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Someone Like Shant'A^^
I go to the bathroom and do my hygiene thing. I take my time with my face and hair. I can't have acne to add to being fat. I wrap a purple towel around me and walk out.
I look into the mirror and take a good look at my face and body. Why can't my stomach be flat like other girls. Then maybe I could get a nice, tall, and fine dude to like me.
I decided on putting my hair in a loose bun or puff. I laid my edges and left out two braids on each side. Putting on mascara, concealer, and liquid lipstick. I wasn't really for wearing makeup to school, but some days like today I wake up looking deader than dead. Plus it made me feel a little prettier and I need the confidence boost.
Having picked out an outfit of dark jeans that were tight on my hips and legs. I had a plain white T-shirt under a black bomber jacket with black converse. I slipped on a white sportsbra cause I'm too lazy for a real bra and dark blue boy shorts. Putting my clothes, I grab my backpack and run down the stairs to grab my breakfast. After eating my usual granola bar I was out the door.
It only took me bout 10 minutes to get there. I could see my big school building in the horizon.
I felt someone bump into me on my way in only to see this bitch. La' Kiesha suck-a-dick Jones. She thinks she is the HBIC. (Head bitch in charge). Even though she kinda is, but she wouldn't be anything if her plastic surgeon daddy didn't pay for her to be elite. I thought buying popularity was white people shit but I guess I was wrong.
"Watch where you going fat bitch." She spat out and rolled her eyes.
She said flipping her stale ass weave in my face. I'm pretty sure I got lice now. This girl had the nerve to touch me with her horse hair. It's sad cause she actually pretty without all the wrong color makeup and ugly attitude. How she gone have stale weave but got money?
"You bumped into me." I replied calmly. My momma taught me manners, unlike her's.
"I wouldn't have, if yo fat self didn't take up half the walk space!"
I turned to leave cause she was drawing a crowd. I just got my books and left that girl there.
"Yeah gone head run away. Probably need to lose them extra pounds no way."
The whole hallway just stood there as she talked about me. Some people were trying to hide their laughter, while others fell out dead. I was long gone till I heard a deep voice boom through the hall cursing the crowd.
"Yo what the fuck y'all laughing for? Nun of y'all need to talk, looking like y'all just walked through a shit storm. Y'all laugh like fucking hyenas and smell like teen acne cream and depression. Fuck is wrong with this school?"
I covered up my laughter. I had already reached first period I just stood in the door listening to his sexy voice. I look over at the area where the crowd was only to see everyone gone. Oh well. I guess I'll find who that was and thank them later, after class.
