Cuddles

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

My heart feels heavy with regret. I know it would hurt, but I never anticipated it would cause this much pain. It feels like someone's shoved their hand into the cavity of my chest, and began squeezing my heart into a lump of mush. I know this can't be true since I'd left my heart on the sidewalk. Perhaps it is being trampled by a passersby?

No, Kol had taken my heart with him as he disappeared down the sidewalk and out of my life.

I want to tell Kol to be good with my heart - it hurts too much. However, I couldn't ask him for a thing, especially after the things I'd done to Kol.

We both know he deserves someone better than me. Someone that can give him the relationship he truly deserves. Despite wanting the best for Kol, it doesn't make things any easier. I couldn't be happy with knowing Kol is with someone else, but, that wasn't my choice to make.

Sprawling onto my bed, I cuddle my cold squished pillow and sigh. Once again, my mind wanders back to Kol and his amazingly warm cuddles.

Damn you, Kol.

I need him to come home and cuddle me again. He's the only person who can make me feel better. Annalise has been great, ice-cream was a nice distraction, but they aren't a long-term solution to fixing the pain exploding within me. Kol is the solution . . . but he's nowhere to be seen.

How am I supposed to tell him I regret the things we said? All the words that come to mind don't do it justice. Every apology I can think of sounds terribly soppy and lame. I can't win back Kol if he realises I'm not that great.

"Oh gosh." I groan. "Nobody is ever going to be with me."

I'm going to be alone forever because I'm too allergic to own a pet cat to keep me company. Annalise will move on with her life and forget about little old me. I'm a complete mess. My self-confidences has gone out the window. I'm pathetic.

I stare at my phone and frown. Even if I was to call, what if I made the situation worse? But if I forgot about it all together, it would also make things worse. I couldn't live with myself knowing I didn't try. Shit. Now I'm over thinking everything.

"Come on, Lola, get a grip!" I grumble to myself. "Do you want him back or not?"

Picking up the phone, I unlock the screen and open Kol's contact. As I go to press the grey phone button, I hesitate. Waiting a day is long enough already. If I don't make this call today, I'll be playing my heartbreak playlist filled with Taylor Swift songs. I don't want that to happen.

Please, let's pray I don't get that sad . . . How do you possibly come back from a sad playlist?

Rolling out of bed, I stretch my tired limbs and yawn. I quickly flip my hair into a messy ponytail and grab my phone. I walk out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Hopefully, the change of scenery will help me take the plunge. Laying in bed just enables me to prohibit what will inevitably happen.