Chapter Eighteen
I think kissing is an addiction.
The way the others person’s lips fit perfectly with yours; like puzzle pieces that don’t have to be forced together. That sweet taste you can’t get enough of. The tingles it sends through your entire body. The way the heat rises to your cheeks, and your heart starts to race. That incredible adrenalin rush that courses through your veins. And after, that amazing realization of what you’ve just done. It’s addicting.
I used to be hooked to it. Almost every boy I met, we would somehow or another end up kissing. I liked it. Was it slutty of me? Absolutely. Have I been told on multiple occasions that I’m a fan-freaking-tastic kisser? Yes, yes I have. Do I love kissing? Yes, yes I do. But I only like kissing; anything further creeps me out. I’m young, so taking it to the next step has never been my top priority. I just had the need, the desire, the want- to kiss.
Now, an alcoholic is forever an alcoholic, no matter what. Whether they’ve gone through the steps of recovery and are sober, they will eternally be an alcoholic. Same with me; though I’ve learned not to kiss everything with lips, I will always deep down inside be that kissing addicted 7th grader. It’s a past that you’ll always have, and can’t run away from.
Like any normal addiction, you need to know when to say no. Whether it’s not drinking that last beer, not smoking your fifth pack, not betting in that last game- you need to know how to say, “I’m done.” You have to have the self-control to fold your cards, and walk away proud. So, like any good recovery patient, the word “No” is still something I’m learning. And believe me, those two letters are a whole lot harder to spill out of your mouth than you think.
But what really helps, when you’re put in those tough spots when the word no seems impossible to say, is reminding yourself of all the progress you’ve made. You’ve gone all this way, and there’s no turning back now. You need to know that folding is your best option, and you can’t go back to being that same person. That was my decision in this moment. I could walk away, or give in.
I took a deep breath, as our pounding hearts matched rhythms. In… and out… Chase waited calmly for an answer. You can do this Jules. If I looked up, I would see his flawlessly natural, pink lips about ready to rape mine, and cave in.
“No,” I finally sighed, turning my head in an attempt to wiggle away from him.
“No?” he repeated, drawing his arms closer around my back.
“I’m sorry Chase, I-I can’t.”
“Why not?” He loosened his hold on me.
“I’m not going back to being that girl again. I can’t.” As I said those words, memories of all the situations I had been in flooded my mind. I can’t believe I was that girl...
“Shh… it’s okay. Chill Jules, it’ll be all right. You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to,” he said, soothingly rubbing my back. His free hand moved up to my face, and lightly brushed away a small water droplet that had formed underneath my eye. Shit. I was crying. Not only was I crying, but I was crying in front of Chase Ryan. This is not good. I don’t cry; it’s a waste of water. In… and out… Pull it together Jules. Inhale… Exhale…
“Chase,” I said.
“Yeah?” he said, still clasping me freely in his arms.
“Do you remember what I told you on my first day back?”
“Not off hand.”
YOU ARE READING
Back Again
Teen FictionJulia Tylers was gone for two years. She hadn't been in contact with the people from her old life. To her, they were gone, and she would never see them again. She unexpectedly came back-- back to the place she swore she'd never return. She changed...
