Chapter 19: Mysterious voices

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Saira's P.O.V

I felt Li's strong arms wrap around my waist. For one moment, I've forgotten my pain. I let my head rest on his chest, hearing is heartbeat. For some reason, it satisfied me. It was as if the whole world was peaceful and didn't move.
Then I felt my head tucked under Li's chin. We stood like this for a moment, enjoying each other, staring at the sea and the moon. I didn't know, if it was the right time to tell Li, that I have fallen for him. I didn't even know, if I really should tell him. But I kept quiet, not wanting to destroy this beautiful moment. My thoughts dragged me to our conversation earlier. What was wrong with me? Why have I been that pertly?
I let out a sigh, causing Li to drag me off my thoughts:"You're cold huh?"
"How did you know?"
"You never cuddle up to me."
"Uh oh, caught me.", I joked.
"Or you think that I'm really attractive. That could be a reason too."
I laughed:"Sorry, but I don't think old men are attractive."
"You said you liked Fire Lord Zuko."
"Yes, I did. And he was good looking when he was younger, his scar made him look hotter than he already was."
"Zuko is 80 years old. Still admiring him, huh?"
"Come on! He's really cute! I just love old people."
"So you love me too?"
I looked up at him. What did he just ask? Was he serious? Nah, I didn't think so. It was probably a joke.
"You're too young."
"I'm 22, am I not old enough? I remember a young woman called Saira telling me that I was old."
"Okay, if you wish to be my grandfather, no prob. I'll call you graddy from now on."
"I didn't mean that."
"I know."
I felt Li's arms pressing me against his body.

"It's your fault Saira. Why didn't you save us? You let us die!"

I pushed Li away immediately. Why? What have I done again? Why did she haunt me?
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing."
"You look like you've seen a ghost."
Maybe it was one. I couldn't tell what's reality and what's a dream. Why was she haunting me?
"Saira? Saira!"
I noticed Li waving in front of my eyes.
"What happened?"
I took a deep breath and looked at my hands. They were shaking. Then I met Li's eyes, letting out a shaky breath:"I need to be alone for some time."
"But-"
"Please", I begged,"I need to understand what's going on."
Li was about to say something but fortunately he understood and nodded finally.
"Thank you for spending time with me tonight.", I kissed his cheek,"Sorry for being weird today."
"It's okay. It would be really nice if we could do this more often."
"I would love to."
I felt Li's lips on my forehead. And with that, he walked back to his cabin, leaving me, the completely confused girl alone on the deck.

Iroh's P.O.V

When I woke up, I still could smell Saira's scent. I let the last few hours run through my mind and decided to take a shower.
As I finished, I walked back to my cabin, noticing a letter on my bed.

"Meet me at the meeting-room. It's urgent.

-Saira

What could it be? Saira seemed pretty calm tonight, except for the the last few minutes. I hurried, not wanting to miss her, since we had a strict plan. When I reached the meeting-room, I took a deep breath and walked in. Saira didn't notice me. She was looking at the sea, being deep in thoughts.
"You've called for me, Saira?", I asked. Saira jumped as she heard my voice.
"You should seriously stop scaring me. And yes, I have.",she said nervously. I noticed, her hands were shaking, she was pale.
"Are you okay?", I asked.
"Physically yes, mentally no. I need your help."
"Sure. What is it?"
"Before I tell you, will you promise me that you won't think that I'm a psycho?"
"I promise."
Saira let out a shaky breath. She looked at her hands. I noticed, she did this often. Whatever it was, she was worried. Then her hands formed to fists and she looked at me, crossing her arms below her chest.
"I hear voices, voices in my head."
"Voices?"
"You promised, you won't think that I'm a psycho!"
"I don't. I just wanted to make sure, I understood what you said."
Saira took a deep breath:"It's the voice of a little girl. A girl who warns me."
I could hear her breath fasten and see nervousness in her eyes.
"What does she tell you?", I asked as calm as possible.
"She said that I killed her, all of them!", tears rolled down her cheeks,"I don't know what to do, Li! She's hauntings me in every dream, every thought, every time. I don't have a clue what I have done! She gives me the fault for the death of thousands of people!"
Saira buried her now red face in her hands and started sobbing. I didn't know how to react, I was too shocked of hearing what she said. Has Saira been serious?
Could this girl have killed someone? I couldn't imagine that, but why was she that worried then? Was is that little girl's voice, she heard a few hours earlier? Was that the reason, why she pushed me away and was that nervous?
I knew it was useless to stand here and watch her cry, I needed to calm her down. My arms wrapped around her tiny body and I started rubbing her back.
"You haven't done anything, Saira. You didn't kill anyone?", I asked. She shook her head.
"See? There's nothing to worry about. Maybe your're just imagining her voice. It could also be because of stress. A lot if things happens the last weeks. Don't push yourself down for something you haven't done."
Saira stopped sobbing. I let go of her, knowing she was uncomfortable with this situation. She wiped away her tears and nodded. Then she took a deep breath:"We have a lot to do."

Emotional Saira was gone, professional Saira was back. She was about to leave when I grabbed her hand:"If you need anything, remember I'm here for you."
She looked at me, with red eyes:"I know."
Then I let go of her and we parted ways.

As I finished breakfast, I made myself ready for the rebuilding of Ahana.
When I walked down the ship, the sun was shining, seals splashing around. I took a deep breath and enjoyed the new energy, the power of the sun flowing through my veins. I was quickly greeted by Tadashi, who was already waiting for us.
Let the new mission begin.

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