Alnihayya

||B l a c k E y e s||

S e v e n

A person's tongue can give you the taste of his heart.

-Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyyah-

☆

Mashal

A prisoner in my own home.

That's what I am.

Because of missing so many days of college, they called me today and I didn't know how to explain the situation to them. Instead, I had to lie that I was sick and couldn't come.

Which was partly true though, as I was depressed.

I never knew how people could actually muster up the courage to self harm. I always used to think that depression was not a thing and even if it was, it could never become so intense that someone would want to cut themselves or even attempt suicide.

But now I know what those people might be feeling when they hurt themselves with their own hands.

Utter useless.

Yes. That is what they might feel. Feeling like everything you do ends up the wrong way and no one needs you.
The feeling that everyone would be better off without you.

I was staring at the beautiful white patterns the cream had formed on my coffee, thinking 'how to feel less useless?'

Thankfully, the sound of the doorbell, snapped me out of my daydream and saved the coffee from the torture of my eyes.
Mama, Papa and Minahil had just left the house a few minutes ago and I was not expecting that knock at all.

Sighing, I ran down the stairs securing my niqab on the way. Maybe Minahil had forgotten something and she had come to get it but still I put my niqab on in case it was not Minahil.

And yes, it was not Minahil at all.

I opened the door only to be shocked by an extremely familiar face of Zeyara. The cold breeze outside made his black curls bounce and his big brown eyes stared at me. It was also the first time that I noticed how tall he was. Also, that his skin was not pale, it was a special kind of tan, a glowing tan.

"Assalam o alaikum." He said after clearing his throat which caught me off guard and I quickly diverted my gaze to the floor.

I had never stared at anyone for so long before. It was plain akward and embarrassing.

"Walaikumsalam" I replied after getting my voice which had lost somewhere, back.

Silence prevailed between us as Zeyara tried to find the right words to say. Then he finally spoke, "Ummm.....I just came to check on you. You've been absent from college for a week now and-"

"That's none of your business!" I snapped at him, a little too harshly.

He was taken aback and tried to speak again but I didn't let him.

"Why did you come to check on me? Who am I to you? We're not related and I'm not your girlfriend. You have no right to care about me!" I bellowed at him with all the anger and annoyance that I could gather.