Outside These Walls [Destiel]

Chapter 23

The house felt so large despite being only two bedrooms and one bathroom. Still, Dean carried in the boxes with a smile on his face, setting it in the living room among the rest of the things, a couch pressed against the corner of the room just for now until they got everything in. Sam filed in behind him, his own box in his arms as he talked to Gabriel as the boy helped Ellen and Laura unpack while Bobby and Chuck began hooking all the appliances in the kitchen in.

Castiel was sitting with Ellen and Laura, answering their questions on specific places to put certain items. His hands were folded neatly in his lap, and although he had been frustrated at not being able to help at first, he seemed happy now, a small smile on his face that had Dean staring for a long moment before Gabriel 'accidentally' bumped into him, making him blush and grumble as he continued to load boxes in.

After he and Sam managed to get the dresser into the main bedroom, he flopped down onto the bed that Bobby and Chuck had put together, letting out a flustered sigh as he allowed himself to catch his breath. Sam smiled at him, sitting down more eloquently beside of him.

"Are you excited?" Sam asked softly, watching as Dean looked towards him and gave him a cheeky grin, sitting up and ruffling his brother's hair warmly.

"You know me, Sammy. Moving around never did much for me," Dean stated, his words as easy as ever. Sam's smile twitched a little though, and the sadness in his features caught him off guard as Sam just sighed, looking down at his lap.

"I'm sorry for saying what I did...before..." Sam muttered, looking a put off at actually admitting that he was wrong. Dean looked at him curiously, a slight tip in his head at the forlorn look on his brother's face. Although Sam had hurt him beyond compare, he never imagined that Sam would apologize, that an apology had needed to be spoken at all. 

"I'm just glad you hadn't been hurt too badly after the incident," Dean responded, and that was the truth. Learning his brother had been hit after running into oncoming traffic, it had almost killed Dean, and just the fact that he had been alive at all had been the only thing that stopped him from putting a bullet in his head after what had happened.

Sam's face fell, and a tear dribbled down his cheek, "I remember when you left and Dad was still gone...the man that had hit me had gotten loose from his room. I-I could hear him screaming and he sounded so angry. I...I caused that man damage, Dean. I r-ruined his life," Sam spoke, his voice stunted, as if his secret had turned him into a robot as he struggled to process what he was saying out loud.

"He t-tried to choke me, you know," Sam continued, only Dean's breath hitching making him look over, the saddest smile on Sam's face that the older Winchester had ever seen, "Hi-his brain had been damaged, and he c-couldn't control his emotions anymore...I was so guilty, and when I saw him again...I h-had to be strong that day, but the moment that I was alone in my room, I cr-cried. I ruined...I ruined so many lives, Dean. I felt like a monster."

Sam paused, wiping away his tears and taking in a shaky breath as Dean wrapped his arm around Sam with a look of concern. He had never heard this before, and he doubted that anyone actually knew.

"It wasn't your fault, Sam," Dean eased, but Sam just shook his head, a full-fledged sob making his way through his throat as he muffled his mouth with his hand, his eyes squeezing shut tightly as tears looked through the corners.