A Season of Firsts

Chapter 20 - Milkshakes and a Decision

Before December 31st

AIDEN

After I take Emma home, I spend the rest of the afternoon alternating between finishing homework and watching television. I try to ignore how desperately I want to read the bible that Cleo gave me, because whenever I pick it up, I think of Emma. It almost feels like betrayal, after knowing how much she detests Christianity and all that comes with it.

That night, I can't take it anymore. If Emma doesn't find out, she won't have to worry about it. I practically jog upstairs in my haste to open and read the old, worn bible.

Before I know it, the more I read, the more I want to read.

Finally, at one-thirty the next morning, I get in bed. But sleep doesn't come so easily. Verses bounce off the walls of my mind, ringing out and resonating with something deep inside of me. One in particular refuses to leave me alone.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7.

I want whatever it is that Cleo has. The joy that lives in her. The peace. Is it really true that all I have to do is ask?
And then there's that purity about her. I find her freshness and innocence intriguing, in a way that makes me almost jealous of her.
Another verse I read earlier comes to me.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me.
Psalm 51:10.

But who could possibly transform hearts or spirits? Surely it is not something that any being can control.

All things are possible with Me.

The almost audible voice makes me nearly fall out of bed. My heart beats fast and my palms sweat.

Who are you? I ask the voice.

I wait in deafening, time-stopping silence. And then the next words spoken shake me to my core.

I am the answer. I am what you have been chasing all this time.

The truth of His words makes me feel slightly weak. Realization hits me in full force and something else I can't name washes over me. Whatever it is, it feels great, despite my sudden light headedness.

For the first time in my life, I know I belong to Someone. Not to my parents, who have their own selfish ambitions and needs even though they love me. Not to the rest of the world, no longer do I have to be what they want to be. And most importantly, not to myself.

I belong to Someone much bigger and much stronger.

I suddenly have the urge to shout. Out my window, down the street, into the world. Tell anyone and everyone what just happened to me.

Then it comes to me, what I have to do. I was trying to keep all of this secret from Emma, but I can't anymore. I have to tell her. I have to show her what I have found. She can't have experienced what I have if she was able to walk away from it so easily.

But there's still time for that.

~ ~ ~

DANIEL

"Don't talk to me," I say, in a stony tone, as Cleo sits down opposite me.

I came to the Cactus Café to be alone. To sit in my regular place and place my regular order, then drink it and get out of here. I look down at my chocolate milkshake and can't help remembering how much Cleo dislikes chocolate milkshake. She would always pick strawberry. I wonder if she still does.