Ambivalence [p.h.] - EDITING

chapter 16 || stage two

A/N sorry guys I lost my book in the mess that is my room. But good news, I now have it so here's your update.

I'm sitting next to Peter along a stone wall, and the purple-haired girl from Capture The Flag. I don't even remember her name. Leah maybe? I only remember how irritating she is. She barely made the cut to stay in initiation. They put the Dauntless-born first in order of rank, and then did the same for transfers. I can hear Leah's screeching about who knows what (probably Four, but he seems to have taken a liking to Tris)and roll me eyes discreetly. She was this close from being thrown out, and it just so happened she nailed their best fighter with a nice hook or something, as Lynn tells me. Leah doesn't even realize I'm not listening as I turn to face Peter.

"Your mom is nice," I say with a nervous chuckle. Peter scoffs with a light smile, turning his head away and shaking it slightly.

"She is." He pauses before looking back at me, then placing a hand on my shoulder to steady me. I didn't even know I was shaking. My eyes are glued to his hand before I meet his eyes a few inches away from mine. "You'll be fine."

"I don't know what I'm afraid of," I whisper. "What if I can't handle it?"

"You handled Lauren's public humiliation well enough yesterday."

"Those are her fears, not mine," I sigh.

"You'll be fine. Just... pretend I'm there with you. Then you'll be fine." I nod.

The door flies open and a crazed-looking Dauntless-born exiting the room. Four's head peeks out and calls Leah. The purple haired girl hops up, way too positive to be facing her fears, and saunters into the room. It must be half an hour that I sit next to Peter, my entire body shaking, before Leah stumbles out of the room with wide eyes, and Four calls me in.

"Jax. You're up." I take a deep breath and hoist myself up onto my feet. As I'm about to enter, I turn back to Peter. Pretend I'm with you, he mouths. I return the small smile he sends me and walk into the room.

• • •

Four rambles on about my amygdala once again, and I wait for a glass with the serum. Instead, he pulls out syringe filled with some unknown substance.

"It's being injected?" I ask. Four nods and comes closer to me on my right. I crane my neck to the side so he can stick the needle into my neck. A small burst of pain shoots through my neck, and I grimace a little. That was nothing compared to my hand. I sit there as Four backs away and shoots me a smile of encouragement. I return it with a weaker one and try to relax, tuning out anything he says. I feel my eyes shut as a moment passes.

And then they open.

At least, I think.

I can't see anything. I turn my head around and try to find a source of light with no luck. I try to find my fingers in the dark, but I can't manage. I hear a click beside me head and my blue eyes widen with fear.

I'm going to be shot. But I'm not exactly scared of being shot. This is weird... A deep laugh fills the space around me. I feel a tinge of fear race through my veins as I shudder a bit. I hear my heart rate pounding at an alarming rate inside of me. It only speeds up when... when they start talking.

You're going to die, Jacqueline.

You're going to - you're going to die -

They laugh again. I hear a finger squeezing the trigger, and then it makes sense.

I'm scared of death.

I try and wrack my brain for things to do, but my options are limited. I'm going to have to die here, I know it. There's no way out, unless I can find tools on the ground. I silently duck, and hear the sound of a gun shot right above me, where my head was moments before. I'm running out of things to try that would be sensible. The person with the gun exclaims in frustration. They must know I'm still alive. I push myself forward to get up, but can't feel the ground underneath me.