english ✱ muke

六

"i've dug myself into such a deep hole. i don't know how i'll get out," i whine to my best friend who's sipping on a purple drink with black spheres inside it.

"mhm," trang replies, slurping on her drink without much thought.

"i just don't want him to hate me, you know? i wish i hadn't lied, i fucked everything up. tell me why i'm such an antisocial freak!" i groan, smacking myself in the forehead.

"yeah," trang says absentmindedly.

"are you even listening to my struggles?" i frown, glaring at trang.

"yup," she nods her head distractedly.

"i jacked off and came all over your clean laundry the other day," i state casually.

"mhm," she repeats.

i roll my eyes. whatever's occupying her thoughts has her complete attention. i rack my brain, trying to come up with something that will most definitely snap her out of the little bubble she's in.

"i heard that my chemical romance got back together and they're working on a new album." i cough, my cheeks flushing with my blunt lie.

"what!" trang demands, her small darks eyes glancing over to gaze at me hopefully. "where the fuck did you get that from?"

"i'm joking. but now that i have your attention, i need help. teach me some chinese so i could actually pull off this huge lie i'm telling luke." i huff, pouting at her. "all i know how to say is yes and he's catching on."

"well, to give yourself some options, you can say 没有. that means no." trang explains, her fingers tapping against her strange smoothie thing.

"没有?" i repeat doubtfully.

(translation: no?)

"exactly, good job." trang smiles, her grin looking fake.

i sigh and look around. we're sitting in a popular plaza located next to the community centre where luke is usually volunteering to do work. it's around lunch time and i'm sitting under an outdoor starbucks table. i sip quietly on my icy cold drink from starbucks. trang on the other hand raced to the other side of the plaza to pick up her favourite drink: bubble tea she called it.

i know luke will probably pop around soon to get his signature strawberry hibiscus frappe and a chewy chocolate chip cookie that i've caught him snacking on a few times. it may be pretty creepy to admit, but i've noticed that i would start showing up to places i know luke would go just to catch a glimpse of the gorgeous boy.

"i see lover boy sneaking up on you," trang states plainly.

before i can properly turn around, i feel someone grabbing at my shoulders and yelling "boo!" into my ear.

i jolt, drawing my shoulders back and my heart nearly jumps straight out my chest. i cough on my own saliva, my entire life flashes before my eyes. that may be a slight exaggeration, but i honestly can't breath for a second.

"scared ya," luke smiles smugly, patting my shoulder.

'no shit sherlock' was the statement that i wanted to reply with but unfortunately, luke would probably get suspicious. the community centre usually doesn't teach words like that to foreign speakers who actually need to learn english.

"你今天过得怎么样?" luke asks warmly.

(translation: how are you today?)

i glance at trang, praying that she'll help me out but she's sitting there with a sneer on her pretty face. she's expecting a show and unfortunately, i'm starring in it.

"是," i reply hesitantly.

(translation: yes)

"huh?" luke asks. i can decide if the confusion on his face is from my answer not connecting to his question or if he didn't hear my properly.

"是," i repeat awkwardly.

(translation: yes)

"um?" luke frowns. it quickly occurs to me that my answer probably doesn't fit his question.

"没有!" i cheer, using the word that trang taught me moments before.

(translation: no)

luke stares at me like i'm the stupidest piece of shit in the world but i don't blame him. he suddenly bursts into a fit of laughs and shakes his head.

"you're so confusing. well, you just wait here. i'll be back in a second, i'm just going to grab a drink really quick." luke smiles, looking energetic as he pushes his way into starbucks.

"you're the world's biggest fuck-up," trang shakes her head.

"i know i am," i sigh, burying my head into my hands.

"you have to tell him eventually," trang says.

"but he'll hate me-"

"he'll hate you more if you take any longer to tell him that you've been lying all this time. better tell him now than later." trang interrupts me, giving me her unwanted wise-ness.

"i guess that's true," i say miserably.

"so are you going to tell him the truth when he walks back out here?" trang asks.

i sigh deeply, trying to pull myself together. "this isn't the time."

trang looks at me, her dark eyes brimmed with disappointment and disagreement. "don't make excuses, this situation will just get worst over time."

"not today. i need time. i'll tell him by the end of this week, i promise. i just need to figure out a way to crack the news," i ruffle my coloured hair exhaustedly.

"just go up to him and say, 'hey! guess what, i'm a lying prick and i can actually speak fluent english! i'm sorry for being a douche, make up sex?'. it'll work, i promise." trang nods her head thoughtfully.

"maybe," i chuckle, the scenario unfolding in my mind.

"i'm not joking michael. if you don't tell luke yourself by saturday, i'll find him and tell him myself." trang suddenly gets serious again.

my mouth gets dry as i try to recall the date. it's tuesday today, i have four days to tell luke before he hears it from trang.

"i'm only doing this for your own good michael. i've lost some important figures in my life because of my lying and it fucked me up. i don't want you to go through the same. i may act like i hate you but this is all because i care." trang says, her eyes looking pained.

my heart twists into a tight knot and i suddenly
feel sad. luke will walk out on me right after i tell him what i've done, i'll lose the blond boy for good.

it's my own fault.