My Monster

Chapter Eleven: I Hate Shawn Henderson, Again.

Chapter 11: I Hate Shawn Henderson, Again

He sits there, smug and happy in the car next to me. I want to grab that perfect thick dark hair of his and claw out his eyes with my fingernails.

But I can't right now, because he's driving us to school.

And if I do murder him, or even permanently maim him, I'll have a shitload of explaining to do. It all comes down to what I hate less: raising up a drama to the adults in my life, or participating in a teenage one.

Those are two very bad choices I get to choose from. And it's all his fault.

I tighten my ponytail. I'm not taking any risks. I don't want Shawn's hands in my hair ever again. I realize now that I came very close to just calling it quits and sleeping with him. Maybe that's what I should've done. At least then I wouldn't have to be sitting here and plotting murder.

By creating this lie, Shawn has just crossed every possible line.

"I'll enjoy dumping you." I finally break the silence. I know what he's going to say about it. I now know his plan from A to Z. I don't care. Dating in high school holds the same weight as dating in kindergarten. The only difference is that it isn't as cute.

"You know I'll be utterly heartbroken if you dump me," Shawn says matter-of-factly. "My dad hates seeing me sad. Your dad wanted this from day one. I can't imagine how stressful it will be to have it all end so badly."

I don't put it past my dad to have had this type of motivation when he continuously forced me to attend those dinners. Where do you think I get the darker aspects of my soul from?

I can't find a way out of this. Does it even matter? It's not as if he can keep this up forever. Eventually, Shawn will get too horny and go chasing some other girl. That will be its own kind of revenge.

He relishes in my silence, his evil grin stamped across his face. "Or you can get your 'Get Out of Jail Early' card."

"It's supposed to be 'Free.'"

"Nothing in life is free."

His words eliminate every remaining morsel of respect I had toward him. I scan his profile. Did he just say what I think he said? I know he didn't mean for it to come out that way, but I may as well exploit it.

"You just tried to blackmail me into having sex with you," I say. "You're pathetic."

"I didn't—" His hands tighten on the steering wheel when he realizes that, in fact, he did. A boy as hot as Shawn Henderson should not be blackmailing someone for sex.

"You were implying that if I slept with you now, you'd let me out of this situation early." I'm a tiny bit satisfied that at least I have this small victory. I shake my head from side to side. "You're sick."

He takes his eyes off the road for just a second to stare at me. He's not smiling anymore. I enjoy the clearly flabbergasted look he shoots my way. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. All I meant was that we don't have to drag it out like this. Fee, you were burning when I played with your hair. And that kiss was pure fire. It's there between us, so why fight it?"

"Oh my God. You're such a smooth talker, Shawn."

He smirks and once again assumes his self-satisfied air. "You're enjoying this."

Huh? What? I am not. He's delusional.

Okay, maybe it's a little bit fun. But this is beside the point.

"You want to play games. You don't want this to end fast. You want to see what I've got up my sleeve."

"The only thing I want is for you to leave me the fuck alone."

"It's nice to see that you're as messed up as the rest of us. Fee, you're not honest with yourself."

"What's the point, Shawn? You'll never win. I'll never sleep with you."

He nods. We're nearing the school. In about seven minutes, this car ride will be over. "Maybe you're right," he says quietly.

"What?" I must not be hearing right. "It sounded like you just said I'm right."

"If it was just about the sex, it'd be pointless," he says, stopping the car. We're not yet at school. I back away in case he tries something funny.

But he just looks at me intensely. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's being sincere. "I want you to want me until you can't handle it anymore. I had to lie about us dating because I need more time than one dinner a month to seduce you. You'll just have to put up with it until the twenty-fifth of December. I promise we can break up by then no matter what happens."

If he's being honest, then I can too. There's only one response I can make. "But, why the hell bother?"

"Why do you think?" He leans in toward me, his smile deepening because he's happy with what he sees on my face. "You're going to love it, Fee."

There's something about him that lures me in, as if he's the snake charmer and I'm the cobra. But since he has one win on me, I can't become weak for him now. I muster up a look that will tell him how I hate him with the force of my eyes.

He comes closer, about to kiss me, but I flick my finger at the bridge of his nose, right where it's most swollen.

He cries out in pain, recoiling back and bringing his hands to cover his face.

"You're going to regret you ever met me, Shawn," I say, getting out of the car and slamming the door as hard as I can.

I arrange my backpack on my back, slide my fingers into the front pockets of my jeans, and begin the march toward school. I'm in luck because we stopped right next to the shortcut. It's a narrow pedestrian passage that cuts from the street we're on to one closer to our school. Shawn can't follow me in his car.