Promises Made, Promises Broken - SYTYCW (Bad Reputation)

Present Day (Chapter Two) Friday

Tucker

I woke up in a panic, then lay there in the dark, trying to calm my racing heart and isolate the source of my worry.  It took a few moments, but as my pulse normalized and my sleep-fog lessened, I was able to grasp it.

I'd been dreaming of my mother, and a promise she'd had me make when I was twelve years old.

I'd been holed up in in the coat closet at our apartment while my parents argued about money, about unmet dreams, and about God knows what else.  I drifted in and out of doziness as the screaming went on, jerking awake when it finally reached its crescendo.  My father stormed out, drunk and angry, with our grocery money in his hands, ready to hand over to his preferred dealer.  It had been very quiet for a few a moments after that, then my tearful mother had dragged me out of the closet and sat me down on the couch.

"Promise me," she said.

"Promise you what?" I replied resentfully, not wanting to meet her mascara-smeared eyes.

"Swear that you will never settle for less than you deserve."

"I will never settle for less than I deserve," I repeated automatically.

"Tucker. Look at me."

And I forced my gaze to her face.  She looked feverish, and very nearly frightening.

"Okay, Mom," I agreed.

And then she laid out a list.  Her list of more.  She made me repeat it until there was no way I could forget it.

Ten years from now, I will have gone to Europe at least once.

Ten years from now, I will have met the love of my life - a kind, smart, generous man.  He will value me.

Ten years from now, I will have a successful career.  It will be one that matters.

We never talked about it again, but the memory struck me sometimes, and when it did, it would fill me with the panic I was feeling at that exact moment.  Because I was right on the cusp of my twenty-second birthday, and I had not accomplished a single thing on that list.

"Liandra!" I hissed.

She muttered an incomprehensible response.

"Liandra!"

"Tucker," she groaned from across the room. "What do you want?"

"What if I never amount to anything?"

"You're not even going to make it until morning if you don't leave me alone," she grumbled.

I waited, knowing that any second she would remember how many times she woke me up over the last year for things far less significant than a crisis of self-faith.  She sighed resignedly.

"What's this about?" she asked.

"I just thought I would have it all together by now," I replied.

"Does this have anything to do with the fact that you're turning twenty-two in three months?"

I nodded, even though she probably couldn't see me in the darkness of our shared bedroom.

"And because you got that letter last week, asking you to declare your major?"

"More like demanded it," I told her.

She ignored my comment. "And because of what happened with Mark…an awfully long twelve months ago?"

"Are you trying to make me feel worse?" I asked.

"No," Liandra said. "I'm just gathering all your points so I can accurately refute them."