Freak tried Art (3)

Ehhhhh... I can't title today

Eh, I inked and coloured EJ... (please take this one as entry, Xx_Shadowlover_xX)

And the thing is... I can't ink nor colour really good. At least traditionally. I can't ink digitally either but at least colouring somewhat works.
His mask is supposed to be blue btw but you can't really see it...

This filter helps a bit, I believe? Whatever...

I just wanna state that I'll make this book 155 parts cuz I need more chapters. And that I decided that the next book will be called "Freak tried Art (4)"... I dunno anymore...

Okay. I think I stated everything important. Onto random shit. (Much stuff comes to my mind when I'm bored...)

I dunno how many know that, but I only started to draw cause of my sis. Then I started to really get into art at the beginning of 7th grade because of my friend who wanted me to draw a Zelda bookmark for him. And ever since wattpad, I took art seriously and even got myself a drawing tablet.
But I am still highly influenced by my sister's opinion. Most of my traditional pieces got ripped apart of burnt because my sis pointed out a little thing about it that she didn't like. She doesn't even know that. She thinks I lost said pieces.
I mean, I'm highly influenced by others' opinions anyways. It's the reason you barely see traditional art by me. I draw traditionally mostly in school. And... well, almost all my classmates constantly tell me how bad my art is. I don't even wanna know how many pieces landed in the trash bin of the classrooms. Two sketchbook-contents at least. The pieces you saw from me traditionally are the only pices no one picked on. Mainly because my class hasn't seen them.
I don't even know why I tell you that... maybe because I want you to tell me how bad my art actually is so I can stop drawing (because I don't draw for myself, but for others. Amd If they don't like it, I get discouraged. I only draw because there always has been someone who liked it. And right now, you guys are practically the only ones who like my art. So if you stopped liking my art, I'd probably stop)? Or cause I want action in the comments, as I only get comments when I tell a story? Maybe both? Or maybe because I just want to rip my whole sketchbook apart? I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I should be doing stuff, helping my sis with building the furniture of her new home yet instead I'm occupying her couch cuz I'm sick...
I wanna be useful to her so dearly. Besides Angel, she's the only person I could never be mad at. I could never want anything bad happen to her. I'd give my life for her (and Angel) yet I'd never want her (or Angel) to end her life because of me. Maybe because these two are tge only ones that never ever gave me bad memories? I dunno. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. It doesn't concern you, you don't even know who I'm talking about and yet... I feel like you should know. I want you to know about me, and I don't care if I don't know a single thing about you...

It's really weird. A year ago, I would never have told anyone something about myself yet here I am, telling the world. And the world doesn't even give a shit about it. I don't even want anyone to give a shit about me. It's better if no one knew me. That way they wouldn't care if I was suddenly gone. They could forget so easily. But I'm telling you about me so you'll remember. I feel bad. If I'd go now, you'd remember me. And you'd have a harder time forgetting. I feel selfish. I shouldn't want to be remembered. I shouldn't wish to be part of anyone's mind or heart. I should want to be forgotten. I should want that no one has to suffer from my non-existence. Because I know it hurts when someone you used to know is suddenly gone and you can't do anything about it. It hurts and yet here I am, telling you about me so you'll know me... and maybe remember me.

Because I was never remembered before. I was just another toy, and not a good one, apparently, as so many of these so called "friends" threw me away so quickly. I feel selfish for even thinking that way. I shouldn't make it sound as if it was not my fault. Everything that happens to me is my fault. Always was, always is and always will be. Nothing will change.

I feel like I'm getting too peotical here. As I said, a lot comes to mind when I'm bored. And I'm usually bored when I'm sick cuz I can't do anything.

Eh, that was a weird story time. Well, till next time...