Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 76

Emma

"Louis are you sure I look alright?" I ask, as we sit in the back of a cab, stuck in traffic.

I had no idea what to wear to a funeral service. I mean I know you wear black, I'm not that daft, but today is also the first time I'm possibly seeing Harry's family, well that's if he still want's that sort of thing. I'm still holding onto that small possibility that I'm his girlfriend, god I hope I am, and although they knew me growing up, I still need to make a half decent impression.

Of course I don't know if I even have a fair chance with them anymore if Harry told them about what happened. Either way, I still care what they think of me.

It's so unlike me but I'm so worried I look completely wrong and the way my luck has been going recently I need every fair chance I can get.

Oh god, do I sound selfish.

I didn't have a suitable black dress to the occasion so I just tossed on my skinny black pants, some black heels, that I stole from Lina, a dark grey blouse, and a black coat.

It's not formal enough, is it? Oh god. I shouldn't be doing this at all.

"Why do girls ask that?" Louis pipes up, not looking up at me, as he furiously types on his phone. "We're in a cabbie, nearly at the church, we can't do anything about it now."

I guess he's had to deal with this sort of thing a lot with all his sisters and I feel for him. If they're anything like Lina I get his frustration wholeheartedly. But that doesn't mean his little comment isn't really pissing me off right now.

"Really Louis?" I snap.

"What?" He looks at me all innocent, completely unaware as to why I'm annoyed. I just huff in response.

If you didn't notice, I'm unbearably nervous.

All I need to do is keep telling myself that I can do this.

I'm here for Harry. I'll just deal with my nerves later. All I want is to see him, be there for him if he wants and if he rejects me–no not the time to think about that, you're here for him, however he reacts.

"Emma we're here..." Louis says already standing on the street.

"Late" I mutter under my breathe as I step out of the car.

Look, I know I'm acting like a right bitch at the moment and Louis doesn't deserve it but my shot nerves are getting the best of me today.

After all I can only hold so much of myself together, some things are bound to slip.

As we enter the first room of the church my heart rate skyrockets and I need to try extra hard to actually breath normally.

Louis asks if I wanna sit with him and his family but I decline, letting him step in before me, glued to my spot on the other side of the door as it closes with a deep thud.

Can I really do this? You can still leave it you want to.

I try to stop them but can't help the thoughts that hurl through my head...

He doesn't want you here.

You're over.

Harry doesn't want to try anymore.

My breath is heavy in my chest and my whole body is shaking nervously as I lean against the wall for some much needed support.

This was a stupid idea.

Thankfully there is a small, very small, part of myself that isn't ready to completely shut down and melt through the floor. It pushes me off the wall and takes hold of the old door knob and opens the door to the main chapel.