If Only The Stars Aligned {Phan}

Duality

Dan woke up alone in an overly large bed surrounded by all black and white. He sat up and looked across the foot of his bed to the large mirror resting on the wall opposite his current position. He noticed that he had blue ink smudged all down his cheek and neck. He must've fallen asleep on his notebook.

He pushed himself out of bed and shuffled across the floor of the room, reaching the bathroom and flicking on the light. He looked worse up close than he had from far away. His hair was curled and messy, his face sunken and ink covered and his eyes dropped, all life being sucked out of them. Dan turned eighteen in three days. This wasn't the face of someone who was almost a legal adult.

Dan missed Pj. He missed Mark and Jack. He missed Phil. He missed not being alone. He missed not being like this. He wanted Pj to stay. To not leave him again. He wanted to be able to hug his best friend. To feel the fabric of whatever shirt he was wearing that day and to breath in his scent. He wanted to be alright.

The other kingdoms would arrive today. They were here to celebrate Dan getting older. He didn't understand birthdays. People came together to celebrate you aging. Didn't people hate the concept of aging? If so, why did they celebrate it.

Dan was fairly excited to see everyone. It had been a little over a year since he last saw anyone. The earth princess' birthday to be exact. They left the day after the party. He didn't even get to say goodbye to Pj, let alone anyone else.

It was late. All Dan had wanted to do was take a nap, but he had just been sleeping. He didn't want to see other people. Why were they getting here so late anyway? He sighed, wiping the ink from his skin and washing his face, attempting to make himself look at least a little more human. He quickly sorted out his hair, not bothering to straighten it. The only person he planned on seeing was Pj and he had seen his natural hair many times.

He slugged into his room, pulling off his t-shirt and sweatpants and replacing them with a nicer shirt and jeans. He slipped on a pair of shoes and sat down on his bed to tie them.

"Daniel James Howell get your ass down here!" His father shouted from downstairs. People had probably started to arrive by now. Dan sighed again, finishing tying his shoes and standing up, grabbing his crown off his desk and placing it on his head.

He stood in front of the gigantic, floor length mirror on his wall. He looked at his reflection. His reflection wasn't him. His reflection showed the mask Dan wore in front of everyone. The happy Daniel Howell that would one day run a kingdom. But really, truly, Dan wasn't that. He was an insecure, scared, anxious, depressed boy who was about to be an adult and wasn't ready to be.

It was duality. Dan was playing a game. A game he knew he couldn't win but he knew he couldn't quit. A game where the only rule was that you had to make everyone believe you were okay, no matter how much of a lie that was.

"Daniel James Howell did you fucking hear me?! Get your ass down here!" Dan's father shouted again, causing Dan to jump and scurry out of the room.

Dan walked down the hall towards the balcony, looking down at the large amount of people gathered in the main hall. He saw everyone chatting and drinking, all of them having a good time.

There, in the crowd of plain people, he spotted a very colourful person with a head of black hair look up. They made eye contact and all Dan wanted to do was look away, make it seem like a mistake, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Even from so far away, those blue eyes were mesmerizing. Phil waved his hand, signalling for Dan to come down. Without even knowing what he was doing, Dan obliged.

Phil met him at the bottom of the staircase, Dan stopping a couple of stairs before him. "Dan! Hey!" Phil said, smiling brightly.

"Hi Phil." Dan said, forcing a weak smile. "How have you been?"

"I've been great, what about you?" Phil said, looking up at Dan sweetly.

"Yeah I've uh, I've been fine. Just fine. Yup." Dan stuttered out, lying with every word.

It was as if Phil could see right through him. "Dan? Dan you don't look very good. Are you okay?" Phil asked, reaching out and placing his hand on Dan's.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." Dan said, pulling his hand away from Phil's who only tightened his grip.

"Dan, you really don't look fine." Phil said, stepping up one step.

Dan didn't dare move. He didn't want Phil to get the wrong idea. "I'll tell you later, alright?" He said, looking up at Phil who had now regained his height against Dan's.

Phil sighed, nodding his head in defeat. "Alright. I'm expecting answers though." He let go of Dan's hand which was quickly retracted back to Dan's side.

"Danny!" An excited voice called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Peej!" Dan responded happily, a genuine smile present on his face.

Pj pulled Dan into a hug, picking him up and pulling his off of the stairs. Dan flung his arms around Pj's neck, squeaking slightly at being picked up but quickly smothering that feeling with the feeling of Pj's arms around him.

"I've missed you so so SO much!" Pj said, placing Dan down and kissing him on the forehead.

"I've missed you too!" Dan said, standing on his toes and hugging Pj again.

Pj giggled and looked over Dan's shoulder to see Phil watching them. "Oh, hey Phil." Pj smiled.

"Oh, yeah, hi Pj. Um, I'll catch you later Dan, alright?" Phil said, scratching at the back of his neck.

"Yeah, yeah I'll see you later." Dan said, pulling away from Pj and looking back at Phil who only smiled politely and walked away.

Dan looked back up at Pj, smiling and pulling the giggling man back into a giant hug. In temporary moments like this, duality got easier.