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8/8/15
THE HOUSE IS empty as I sit on the living room couch.
It's the big day. Bailey and Cale are getting married and besides the part of me that dreads attending their big day there is another sense of gloom that lingers within me as well.
I can hear my heart beating in my chest as the deafening silence of the house consumes me.
Suddenly there is a knock on the front door and the loud beating of my heart stops all together. I slowly stand from the couch and try and gain my confidence as I make my way to the front door.
I close my eyes before opening the door to reveal a set of what still is my favorite shade of green.
"Hey," Max breathes as a huge smile breaks our over his handsome face.
My heart aches even more, but it doesn't break. Because only one man has the power to break me, but also to put me back together.
"Hi," I smile back weakly in response. I stand aside as I open the door even more to let him walk inside.
Max makes his way through the entryway as I close the door gently behind myself.
"So what did you want to talk about?" he questions. "Cause shouldn't you be at the church with your sister by now?" Max's face is filled with a lightheartedness that always shines through him, and I'm about to take that away. God, I hate myself.
I nod. "I told Bai I would meet her there," I say but the words come out rushed and awkward. His face scrunches as worry laces through his expressions. He can tell something is off with me, with us, with everything.
"So what did you want to talk about?" he asks once again. But this time there isn't a smile. Not even the small crack of one. His words are filled with underlying questions and my heart beats even faster.
"Umm..." I trail uncomfortably not knowing how to start. More accurately not knowing how to end something that was so perfect. But just not perfect for me.
"Grayson," he says my name and my whole body wants to grab him and kiss him one last time, but I don't. Because it isn't fair to him, nothing this summer has resulted in has been fair to him. "What's wrong?"
I clear my throat and my hands squeeze into fists as my nails cut into the palms of my hands. "I don't know how to say this Max," I start. "But I can't do this anymore," I finish with a breath I didn't even know I had been holding.
His eyes hold mine as a wave of confusion and sadness roll and tumble through his face. The pain that's evident in his wild eyes makes my eyes tinge with hot tears, but I hold them back. I don't deserve to mourn for breaking a piece of Max. I don't get to mourn when I'm doing almost the exact same thing Cale did to me to Max, who is a better man then I ever deserved.
"Why?" he asks simply.
"Because I leave after the wedding and go back to school in Illinois and you will be down here and—"
