A Season of Firsts

Chapter 35, Part 2 - December 31st

December 31st

AIDEN

I watch as all Emma's previous mirth leaves her face. Her skin turns a little pale, and she starts coughing on doughnut. I'm up immediately, patting her back.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

She shakes her head, tears streaming down her cheeks from her choking fit. But she manages to swallow, and I sit back down. She wipes at the tears on her face.

I have been praying about this since last night when I hugged her goodbye. As much as I desperately didn't want to, I knew it was time. I had to tell her.

Lord, give both of us wisdom. Please may she listen to me.

"Emma," I begin, ready to tell her what she needs to know. "It's amazing. You have to believe me. My life is completely different. I am changed. I have joy, I have a Father who loves me, I have a friend in Jesus. Being a Christian is not what you thought it was. It isn't going to church or praying or being perfect, it's having a relationship with our Saviour. And Em, He loves you. So much."

She doesn't respond. Her baby blue eyes look at me in disbelief. They're so light and clear, unlike my own slightly duller blue. How I love those eyes.
I never thought they would watch me in that way, like I'm some sort of monster.

"Emma?" I reach out for her hand, but she pulls it away. "Please say something?"

She grinds her jaw and drops her doughnut into its box. "You want me to say something, Aiden? Well, I'm sorry if betrayal is the sort of thing that makes me close in on myself." She stands up, placing her palms on the table and leaning forward slightly. Her voice lowers. "I thought it would be something I could handle because I've been through it before with Blaze, but I didn't think things through. You see, I thought I could take this kind of thing from anyone I couldn't trust. Easy. So I made sure I only trusted a few people. It's less dangerous that way, Aiden. Things like this don't happen." The mask of anger slips from Emma's face for a moment and I see the pain beneath it. "Obviously, I made a mistake in trusting myself to choose who I can trust."

She takes a breath after that. We both stare at each other, and the emotions running wild between the two of us are almost tangible. Then she turns to leave.
I can't let her leave. I love her too much.

I love her?

Yes. I'm only realizing it properly for the first time now, but I love her.

"Wait, Emma." I grab her arm.

"No!" she snaps, yanking it away. "You're no better than Blaze, you know that? No better!"

My heart breaks at those words. The hurt I feel when I can see it in her face, that she means it, is almost too much to bear. I see other feelings  playing across her features as well. Incredulity, confusion, mistrust, fear even. My gut wrenches at the realization of the last one.

Fear.

She doesn't know if she can believe me about anything else now. That much is obvious. But she has to know I would never hurt her physically, and as long as I live I'll do my best to not hurt her like this again. If she would just listen...

"Emma, I promise it's true."

She scowls at me. "What's true? Are you even capable of telling the truth?"

I wince at her tone. "Christianity is not what you thought it was."

She shakes her head slowly. Tears slip unchecked down her face. Her voice shudders and goes soft with her next stab to my heart. "No, Aiden. You are not what I thought you were."

I stand up to walk over to her. If I can just make her stay, talk this out with her, maybe I'll have a chance of fixing this.

Please, Jesus, give me the words to say. I don't have them. Speak to her heart, for me.

"Stop!" Emma shrieks. "Don't come a step nearer."

I freeze in place.

"Just don't. I'm leaving now, and you may not follow me."

She turns and runs out the entrance of the bakery, covering her face with her hands. I watch from inside as she stops beneath a streetlight, her shoulders shaking, the afternoon light dancing across the waves of her blonde hair.
I can't take it anymore. I go to her, leaving our table and half-finished food behind.
Standing behind Emma as she sobs, I touch her shoulder. She jumps and turns to face me.

"Aiden, go away."

A sick feeling plummets through me and lands at the bottom of my stomach at the cold dismissal in her eyes.

Emma. I love you. Please believe me.

I open my mouth to speak, but then she runs. She just runs. Across the street. Without looking left, or right.

Without waiting for the car that slams into her body before she gets to the other side.