I Love You Because

Prologue

         I leaned against the door of my house, closing my eyes and letting the day's events reel through my head like an old movie: something I watched, but wasn't emotionally attached enough to experience.

        First, one of my only friends told me that she decided we didn't "connect" well enough. Whatever that means. And for whatever reason, I found I didn't really care. She wasn't wrong, so I just agreed that we shouldn't waste each others' time and we parted as acquaintances. 

        Second, I found out I had failed a science quiz. You know, that one that I needed to pull up my already atrocious grade? That one. And yet, I still didn't care. My teacher would offer extra credit eventually so the grades would reflect better on her, so there wasn't much to worry about.

        Third, I managed to forget I had a student council meeting. Again. Meaning that I would have to explain myself to the council president. Again. But a little secret? Student council makes me unhappy, and I only ran because my now ex-friend pressured me into doing it.

        All of that splashed over me like a wave, but it wasn't quite big enough to leave me completely drenched. Sure, I felt it, but not so much that it would stop me from doing what I really wanted. Honestly, what I truly needed was to escape to my room, avoiding questions from my nosy mother and sarcastic remarks from my pest of a brother. And I wanted nothing more than to hear from Nina, the person I always went to when I felt empty.

         These thoughts were quickly chased out of my mind, however, when my mother put a hand on my shoulder as I put my backpack down, stopping me in my tracks. I whirled around like a deer in headlights as I was subjected to her steady, impartial gaze. I took a deep breath; I wasn't going to like this conversation.

        "I wanted to talk to you today," she said, taking a step back to give me some space. I let out an audible sigh of relief, immediately guilt-struck when she gave me a hurt look.

        I bit my lip and put on my best attempt at a smile. My mother wasn't the most talkative person, and if she wanted to say something, it would be insensitive shut her down. I swallowed my pride and shrank back into the wall, pushing back my desire to sink into the mustard yellow paint to escape.

        "Have you given out our address to any of your... virtual friends?" she asked, her mouth curling into a frown.

        My eyes widened a bit and I looked down, suddenly very aware of the scuff mark on my left boot.

        Her eyes narrowed into a laser beam of disappointment. "How many people?"

        "Only one!" I reassured her immediately, jerking my head up as if to convince her through unwavering eye contact. 

        She moved her hand from behind her back, revealing a large, almost rustic looking envelope clutched in her grip.

        "A letter arrived for you, Astrid, and if I ever see that you've given our private information away to a stranger again, I will take away your internet privileges for good," she said, dropping the thick envelope into my unsuspecting arms. I schooled my face into a look of remorse, not because I meant it, but because I knew it was what she wanted to see. I didn't bother arguing that Nina was my best friend and most definitely not a stranger. I knew my mother wouldn't have any of it. she had always looked down on talking with people online, especially in a foreign country.