Life choices (Remus Lupin Marauders era)

Chapter 39

Lupins POV

"Well, this isn't Dumbledores office. Your lucky I had the map and went to find you instead of James or Peter."

I roughly push past Sirius and walk quickly down the corridor, head down, eyes refusing to look back at the door. Honestly, I'm afraid of the memory. I have to get away from that place, away from the situation, away from her.

"Hey! Moony! Wait!" He shouts, his footsteps clattering after me. "Remus!"

I continue to walk, my pace growing quicker and quicker until his shouts become confused, angry and consistent. The sound of my name echoes around my skull and I clap my hands over my ears to stop it.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I bellow. "STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT."

Everything goes quiet apart from the sound of my shoes against the stone floor and Sirius's distant, shocked breathing.

I can't stop thinking about it. I just want to stop thinking right now. I want to wake up and for this all to have been a terrible dream that I can laugh about how ridiculous it was with Imogen sitting by my side in defence against the dark arts tomorrow.

Sadly life doesn't seem to work like that.

My thoughts erupt into frantic flurry and I find myself walking down the maze of corridors until I end up in front of a thick, stone wall which slowly morphs into a ornate wooden door.

An epiphany struck me then, about how nothing is ever as you believe it to be. There is always something bad, lurking beneath the surface of things, and it can change instantly. A wall is a wall, until it reveals a door, a door which holds back so many different secrets and objects that people wanted to keep hidden. Until you open that door and let everything loose. People are quite like that, in my opinion.

I sit in the corner of the room of requirement, digging my knees into my eyes as I try to erase the event completely from my mind. I rock backwards and forwards on my heels, trying not to cry and shake with shock over what I had just learnt.

I raise my head for a second and see her bright eyes staring back at me. I shuffle back and scramble to my feet as the reflection changes in front of my eyes, distorting into Dumbledores pale, tired face and long grey hair.

"Fear can do funny things to the mind." He says suddenly and thoughtfully, making me whip around in shock.

"Did you know?" I accuse. "Did you know what she is?!"

"I know as much about her as you do."

His calm, considerate voice irritates me to my core. I almost want him to scream at me, to shout and behave like any normal people would in this situation. But I guess we're not normal.

"And you let her stay here?!"

"I let you stay here."

I narrow my eyes at him, how can he compare me to her, that creature.

"It is said, Mr Lupin, that people's true personality is shown in what their views on themselves are. But also, they say, the first thing you think when looking at a person is what you've been conditioned to think. Your second thought, is what you really think." He looks thoughtfully over his glasses at me, looking deep into my eyes. "But in the end, it all depends on which you act on."