In Case of Heartbreak

18 | confront

C H A P T E R 1 8 | D E A N

We won.

I'd hoped that to be the outcome – to be able to leave the game with a smile on my face knowing that I watched my teammates play their hearts out, but what I felt as the crowd dispersed was the opposite of happiness. It may have been the reaction I fronted, but inside, there was anger and resentment tugging at my chest.

'They won,' I thought sardonically, 'And they did it without me.'

In the depths of my mind, I think I had subconsciously been hoping that without me the team would be struggling. That they'd be good enough to win, but nothing extraordinary. Now, seeing the crowd still buzzing, I realized that they were doing just fine without me. I was just another player; one who was completely average and easily replaceable.

Not wanting to get caught in the middle of the celebration, Katie and I stayed seated on the bleachers, though I noticed the way she was squirming uncomfortably. "Shouldn't we be going?" she asked hesitantly.

"Trust me, it's better to wait it out," I replied, shaking the near empty bag in my hands so that the popcorn kernels at the bottom jumbled around. "The traffic in the parking lot gets heavy quick, but by the time I would usually leave the locker rooms, most of it would be cleared."

A sense of understanding fell across her features. "Oh," she said nervously, "I didn't realize you wanted to stay and see your friends."

Hoping she didn't notice how my muscles tensed for a second, I realized that it had sounded like I was trying to stick around to see my teammates, which really wasn't something I was keen to do just yet.

I cleared my throat. "Actually – "

"Dean!"

Too late.

My chest tightened as I plastered on a smile, turning to see Dallas, Matt, and a few other guys coming from the locker room. I didn't know if Coach had mentioned that I'd been in the crowd, but as they moved towards Katie and I, it was evident that I couldn't run away. I wasn't a coward.

"Hey guys," I said, holding back the resentment as I stood up, Katie following me down to the court, "Good game."

"Thanks bro," Dallas said, stopping in front of me with a grin on his face. "We didn't expect to see you here tonight."

I shrugged. "Thought I'd show my support."

"And you're back on your feet," Matt chimed in. "Does that mean you're cleared to come back?"

Any conversations the rest of the guys had been having had come to an abrupt halt, all of them seemingly interested in my response. "Not yet," I said slowly, noticing disappointment flash across some faces, while others looked relieved, "But I've been training for a few months, so I should be back soon."

Truthfully, I had an appointment booked for the following week, and while I was sure I'd get the clearance to play, I didn't want to say that now and have to deal with the repercussions if it didn't happen.

"Hopefully you'll be back for playoffs then," Dallas said, sounding genuinely hyped, "That's when we're gonna need you."

"Dude," Matt cut in, "Why don't you come to the party tonight?"

All the guys, whether they were sincere or not, quickly shouted and hooted in agreement, leaving me momentarily stunned, not able to shake the discomfort that crept up on me. When I'd been injured, none of them had given me a second thought, not really bothering with helping me out or checking in on me, but now that I was back on two feet, they appeared eager to hang out again.