I Loved You James Potter

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I Loved You James Potter



"...and so then Remus comes up to me just now on the pitch... and he say to me, 'y'know, James, you probably want to go stag and hang out in the woods', so I'm like, 'why?' and he's, 'trust me you do'...." James stared at Maryrose, and he realized he was at the end of his story and he'd been talking for a really, really long time and she had sat quiet, listening the entire time. He paused a moment, then muttered, "I dunno -- the end, I s'pose."

Maryrose took a deep breath and looked away from him for the first time, turning to look off into the trees. He heard her sniffle and she wiped her eyes and his heart ached for her. He felt horrid, like a bit of rubbish, and he reached out a hand and put it on her shoulder, "Maryrose, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He felt ready to cry himself suddenly and he felt a lump rise up in his throat and he said, "I feel so stupid for it sometimes, for loving her as much as I do... What you've got to know is that I wanted to pick you."

She turned and looked at him then and her eyes were wet, her lashes glistening in the moon's shine, and she said, "I understand."

"Yeah?" he asked.

And Maryrose whispered, "I knew when we started going out you were in love with Lily Evans. The whole school knows, of course, I mean you've stood on tables to make announcements and talked about it since the very beginning, haven't you? You've said over and over again that you intended to be with Lily Evans, and you've made it plain you'd do anything for her time and again. Nearly being killed to save her on the pitch that time, and fighting with Severus Snape over her..."

"I fight with Severus Snape because he's a git," James said, "It has nothing to do with Lily."

Maryrose stared at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Well it doesn't, the bloke should discover how to use bloody shampoo, maybe."

"Anyway," Maryrose muttered, "James... I knew before I got into this. All my girl friends, they said, don't fall for him, Maryrose, his heart's already gone and what did I do? I fell for you, and I let myself believe that maybe you'd fallen for me too... Merlin, how foolish I've been, but I suppose I've been as blind on you as you've been on Evans and look at us now, sitting in the woods crying together because neither of us can be with the person we love." She stared up at him.

James heart couldn't possibly have felt worse than it did at that moment and he hung his head, ashamed of himself. "I'm so sorry."

He gave her a hug and Maryrose leaned into him, closing her eyes and letting herself enjoy the touch of him and the smell of him. She suddenly understood the smell of the musk and the woods that filled the crevices of James Potter. He ran his hand over her hair, which had gone its natural colour - a very ordinary, dirty blonde, a shade he never would've expected to be her true colour. She whispered, "Merlin, how I've loved you James Potter."

Tears rolled down his cheeks from his eyes and he didn't dare to speak.

She pulled back and looked at him, her palm on his chest, pushing him away, holding him back. Her eyes searched his a moment, and finally she said, "And I still do love you, which is why I'm going to help you."

"To help me?"

She nodded.

"Help me what?"

"Get Lily Evans."

James stared at her, "What?"

"Remus Lupin is a boy, a gay boy at that, he doesn't understand women, does he?" she said, "James, I do. And you know what you need to do? You need to get over Lily Evans and pretend at believing she doesn't exist if you want her."

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