Until I Met Her

Chapter 25

Eleanor hadn't left the room since we got the news.

I didn't know what to do... I felt so fucking useless and the fact that I too was mourning didn't help at all.

She wouldn't open the door for anyone, Jesse tried, Mum tried, Veronika and even Matt tried... as each of them tried, I prayed, begged that she would open the door, hoping she'd let someone in.

She wasn't eating, at least not when I was around. Jesse told me he heard her coming down the stairs at night sometimes, but he didn't try to get to her.

A part of me was a little relieved that Eleanor wouldn't see her dad because he was... grieving. He looked broken... and I know that he was her husband, I know he must've loved her and he can mourn all he wants but— if Eleanor saw him? I'm pretty sure she would've used that to attack him.

He was like a ghost walking around with a sad look on his face. Apparently, he was in bed with her when it happened and it was Jesse who called 999. Matias told me that Mr Williams was crying like a child and that he didn't want to let go of Mrs Williams body. And at the hospital, he was still crying in a corner and the was no way to console him.

I don't know what was sadder, that nobody expected him to react that way to his wife's death or the fact that he looked like he too was about to die.

Today was Mrs Williams funeral.

Eleanor was still in her room, no sign of her wanting to leave, not even today. Jesse was ready, all dressed in black just like his father. Matias followed behind Jesse, never really leaving his side other than to go home to sleep and stuff.

When Jesse, Matias and Mr Williams left, I stayed behind. I didn't want to leave Eleanor alone even if she didn't know I was there.

I went up the stairs, ignoring every family portrait as I went. When I got to Eleanor's room, I rested my forehead against her door. What could I say? What could I possibly say to make her hurt less, to make her want to come out? There was nothing.

"Eleanor?" I said, finally daring to knock. "Jesse and David left." I waited for any sort of answer, a noise or anything but there was nothing. "It's just me, Eleanor."

I let out a tired sigh and turned around, my back against the door as I let my body slide down until I was sitting. I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the stupid knot in my throat. Honestly, I was so fucking tired of crying, everything made me cry. I was a cry baby, always been one.

Tyler Kohen more sensitive a fuckboy's ego.

I was thinking about leaving, going to the funeral, dragging my feet all the way to the church and then to the cemetery but then Eleanor's door opened. My heart stopped for a second, when I finally saw her, the tears I had been holding in left my eyes.

She looked broken.

"Help me?" She asked me, her voice breaking. I nodded and tried to blink away the tears, I couldn't form the words so I just grabbed her hand and led her to her bathroom.

"Lift your arms, love," I told her, she did so and I took her shirt off. I tried really hard not to look at her stomach, I could see her ribs, she looked so much thinner...

I helped her get in the bathtub after I made sure the water was warm enough, I helped her clean herself. I shampooed her hair and used conditioner, soap and made sure not to get any in her eyes. I was getting the soap off when Eleanor began to sob. With each sob, I grew more and more frustrated with myself. Here she was, the woman I loved with all of my heart, breaking right in front of me... and all I could do was try to keep myself together so she wouldn't see me cry.

Eleanor cried and brought her knees to her chest and hugged herself. She looked so broken.

"You should've gone home, Tyler," She said between sobs. I shook my head and kissed the back of her neck, wrapping my arms around her. "Yes, you shouldn't have to do this. You don't have to be here."

"Here's is where I want to be, where I need to be, with you." I told her, I cupped her face in my hands and made sure she was looking at me, understanding and seeing that I meant every single word. "I'm not pulling away, I'm not leaving— I'm not leaving you."

"I don't know if I can do it, Tyler," She cried even harder then, I held her tighter as if I was trying to keep her together, to stop her body from falling apart.

"You don't have to go, we don't have to if you don't think you can do it. But please, please don't push me away, Eleanor." I begged her, seeing her like this only made me feel worse, seeing how thin and how broken she was... I don't think I could leave her now. "I'm with you, whether you decide to go or stay in, I promise I won't force you to do anything at all but please, pleasedon't push me away."

"I'm sorry," She said while she cried. I don't know why she was apologising or even if she was apologising to me but we stayed like that for a few minutes until she stopped crying.

When I got her out of the bath, she picked her clothes and I helped her get dress, I did her hair in a pretty simple braid. She held my hand before we left her room and all the way from her house to her car, even when I was driving, she wouldn't let go of my hand.

We had missed most of it by the time we left her house. When we got to the cemetery, it took Eleanor 20 minutes before she got out of the car. I could see everyone was already there, my mum was crying on my dad's shoulder and I wanted to run and hug her too, hold her too.

Jesse was standing next to his father, both were looking at nothing, lost in their minds. Eleanor was no different, if it wasn't because I was walking, holding her by her hand, she wouldn't even be walking. However, when we were half way to where everyone was, Eleanor stopped walking. I turned to look at her and she just shook her head with panic and so much anxiety.

We stood there, watching from afar. Eleanor cried and held my hand tight.

When it was about to be over and people began to walk away, Eleanor wiped her tears and turned to look at me. "Take me home, please."

When we got to her house, she went straight to her room, I followed behind, this time I didn't think she'd shut me out and she didn't, she waited for me to get in her room and then shut her door. She took her dress off and put on some of pyjamas. I did the same, borrowing some of her old clothing. She laid in her bed and curled herself in a ball. I laid next to her and tried to find her hand.

That's when she started crying again and there was nothing I could do or say to console her. So, I hugged her and I said nothing.

I just held onto her like I was holding onto life.