Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 81

"Our loves for fighting, tied up up in silence" Run Run Run - Kelly Clarkson.

(A/N - So I was listening to this song last night and this line jumped out of me, thought it was quite fitting. Enjoy the chapter.)

Emma

I'm paralyzed. Completely paralyzed.

Everything is telling me to run. Every fiber of myself, every molecule telling me to jet back to Oxford as fast as I can and leave him behind without a word to squirm and try and figure out what's happened.

Why can't it be that simple?

Jesus!

99% of me is telling to get out before he can charm me to stay. That should be enough to get me out of the goddamn door right? But the friggin' 1% that's left. That bundle of muscle hidden deep in my chest, the beating flesh that seizes so tight when he gets close to me...it keeps me in my place.

Fucking love keeps me from running even though I want to so badly.

I always run.

From my father, from my childhood, from my feelings but now I can't.

The one thing, the one person I can't run from. The person who has this hold on me that's so deep, so dangerous and unrelenting, is sleeping right on the other side of the bed peacefully without a single care in the world and yet here I am barely able to breath let alone move out of bed.

Harry betrayed me.

He turned to the one person in this whole world who makes me feel unsteady in where I am, especially when it concerns him. The one person who called Harry her's before I ever did, the girl who can be our end, he turned to.

Shit.

Am I blowing this completely out of proportion though?

Harry was in a bad place at the time of their conversation, can I really blame him for turning to someone for comfort?

Of course you can when he's been begging you to confide in him for weeks and then turns around and pulls this stunt.

But what if he had texted someone else?

Sure I would have been sad that he wasn't turning to me but I wouldn't be this upset if he had immediately texted Liam or Louis after storming out.

Well of course you wouldn't, their guys!!! Jessica is a girl ANNNNNND an ex.

Okay, maybe his two best mates were bad example.

And it's not like he went over to her flat? At least I don't think he did. That would be a million times worse. No that didn't happen, it was just a phone call, what's a little conversation anyway?

They spoke for an hour Emma! That's not a 'little conversation'. Who are you kidding?

Fine but who did he really hurt in doing so?

You! He hurt you, you silly girl! My subconscious yells at me

I wish I could just back to sleep. That's all I want. Is another hour of sleep too much for ask for?

Like a sudden jolt to my entire system I feel him move behind me.

Dear jesus please don't be waking up.

Right now is the absolute worst time for him to wake up. I'm a muddle of emotions, I have no idea how I'm supposed to handle this. Would I be entirely hypocritical if I tell him I know he's been lying while he knows I'm keeping things from him as well?