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0.23 Don't Wanna Know (emma pov)

6 months... to be precise

it was March already

Jake  and I both made it to graduate early in december although we still walk until july

yet life wasn't the same anymore

the boys had gone to tour again in December in Europe

meanwhile i have stayed with Jake

his state has been breaking my heart, everything happened so fast the night the hospital called when i was talking to Luke from there everything went downhill left and right Jake was getting surgeries in order for him to continue to stay and sadly my last conversation with him was in January

-to their last conversation January 12, 2017-

i walked in with a soft step. Lately everything was cold. i could tell Jake no longer wanted to be here. He looked so tired the bags under his eyes were a breaking sight yet to me he was still one of the most handsome men i have ever seen and im so glad i had the chance to have him in my life.

The boys recently have visited Jake where they helped him catch up on sports and whatever else guys do. If you ask about Luke and i well its nothing we agreed that my love for Jake will not be ruined by it so we're waiting until im fully over Jake and i can just focus on my career and maybe have a lover interest.

Jake knew about the conversation Luke and i had but he said that it was bound to happen but it still was wrong of me i should have never had that conversation .

"hi love."

his voice sounded so weak i melted

i walked up closer to him and pulled up a chair next to him.

"how are you feeling ?"

he slipped his hand into mine and for a moment everything seemed normal

at least as close to normal we can

"Emma umm i dont know how to say this i can't do this . I'm in so much pain i can barely even tell you this. I just can't plus its not fair to you or my parents i can see it on your face how you seemed so stressed"

"jake how can you say that i dont ming being here for yo-"

"you're lying for fucks sake Emma you look like you're a patient here as much as i love you and you're truly are beautiful but i see it . Your eyes dont shine as bright , the bags under your eyes show how little sleep you get, i just worry for your own health."

at this point tears were already coming out of my eyes

"Jake what are you trying to say , please say something ."

"Im saying that the doctors are trying their best but i just really cant my body is so worn out over these past months, and this last surgery they're doing i think is the last im accepting because im saying no to ever other one im only doing all this treatment for you and my parents . personally i think im gone i feel as if im always suffering lately . "

"Jake as much as i love you and i truly do want you to stay for as long as you can, gosh im so madly in love with you but if you're hurting you dont deserve it either ."

his grip on my hand got harder

"Emma i just want to say i can fall into a coma after the surgery and i want you or my mom to pull the plug because we all know my parents wont be able to afford it. but i wanted to say incase this is our last conversation after the surgery tomorrow that you truly have been the love of my life at least. Dont feel guilty that i wont be the main love of your life im just glad i got to be one of the loves of your life. Emma you've brought so much light into my life and sorry but im happy Luke broke your heart those years ago because it brought you to me and thats the greatest gift I've ever received. I know i wont be able to walk with you in graduation but i still know you're going to give the best speech ever . But thanks you so much for being the light of my world for the last 3 years ."

"Jake stop nothing is going to hap-"

i didnt even finish the sentence before he opened this box with this little ring it was a simple ring it was a knot but on the band it said 'forever with you -J'

i paused for a moment

he slipped the ring onto my finger

"thank you for brining me out from such a dark place and truly being the center of my world, because i wouldn't want it any other way."

the rest of the day went smoothly we spent most of the day going over old memories

little did i know that was the last conversation i was going to have with Jake

its been three months and i knew it was the last month where his mom could continue to pay

"Emma i know you cant do it but I'll pull the plug."

i looked over at his mom before looking at him "give me five more before i know his life is gone."

i leaned over to him "you're the most beautiful human being with the kindest soul I'll continue to love you forever Jake now go and be stress free love."

i kissed him one last time before looking at his mom and nodding my head

she pulled the plug and i cried out

"JAKE NO!"

I fell to the ground i ran up to his now truly lifeless body praying to god that he was going to breathe

"honey im sorry you know how hard this was for all of us."

i looked up to her "he just deserved so much better ."

the doctors took no time to come in and take him

"HEY NO NO GIVE HIM BACK I NEED TO SAY BYE NO LISTEN TO ME PLEASE ST-"

i felt a arm pull me back when i turned it was Calum

his gave me the biggest hug before i fell again

"he's gone my handsome Jake is gone"

and there it hit me how alone it was going to feel him being gone

i looked at the ring he had given me and i knew a part of Jake was a part of me now

but i knew after his death i was going to be broken

and who knows when i'll be okay