Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 83

Emma

After the longest walk of my life I am finally back home. There really is no other feeling quite like it. The warmth of the house taking over my entire system as I walk up the stairs to my room, it's amazing.

I walk through my door, longing for the peace and quiet of my room but I don't get any. Don't know why I'm even the least bit surprised seeing Harry pacing around the room.

"Emma thank god! I've been worried all fucking day, where the hell have you been?" He quickly fires questions in my direction but I have no energy to listen as I drop all my things and fall front first onto mt bed.

Feels so bloody good.

I don't look up at him as I get comfortable, I can sense him hovering over me though. I can almost feel his breath on my cheek, that's how dangerously close his, clearly desperate for me to listen.

"Did you get any of my messages?" he asks softly but I shake my head, I turned my phone off when I left and only turned it on to call Lina, nice to know that he tried though.

"Emma please just listen to me for just a few minutes, that's all I ask."

"What is it Harry?" I groan as I pull a pillow under my head. Deep down I know he didn't mean to hurt me and lucky for him I'm too emotionally drained after my little chat with kasich to really get at him.

Really, if I had anything left I'd argue with him but I just have nothing left.

"So you'll hear me out" his tone the epitome of surprised.

Harry's lengthy apology is the least of my problems. I've been surprised enough for the both of us today, his heartfelt words are needed but nothing new.

Still cannot believe that Jessica knows everything.

"Mhhhh hmmmm" nodding.

"Okay, I know I've had to say it way too often recently but I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry Em. I never meant to hurt you." He sounds so sincere, so sad, he's really pulling at my heartstrings, I can't help but bite my lip to control myself for forgiving him right here, right now..

"When I reached out to..."

Well that perks my interest, my heart starting to race.

Say it, I dare you to say her fucking name, I think to myself as my whole body getting more tense by the moment.

"Well th–that doesn't matter" he stutters quietly. "I was in a really bad place when I texted her. I would never contact her if I was in my right mind baby, you have to know that. My nan she...she meant the world to me and I know that's no excuse but losing her... Well let's just say I've never felt such pain in my entire life. Her death is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through Em...lashing out at you was just a reaction, not a fair or rational reaction but I swear, that's all it was. None of what I said to you was from the heart, they were just from the anger and loss I was feeling, that's all. I never planned to do that please believe me. I hate myself for it."

The whole time he's alternating between rubbing the back of his neck and pulling at the ends of his hair. He seems so worried, longing to find the right words. I feel for him, I really do but I didn't put us in this situation, he did.

"Texting her...honestly don't know why I did that. All I could think about was how angry I was at the whole situation, it wasn't a conscious decision by any means. I guess in the back of my mind I knew it would hurt you and since at the time I was blaming you for everything that had gone wrong in my life I just kept hurting you. Thought it would make me feel the tiniest bit better, bring some relief. It didn't."