So Far Away | Min Yoongi

38.0

Everyone from our class is here.

The karaoke party was held in one of the local restaurants near our school and it was rented out by our class for the evening. Plastic chairs and tables were set on one side of the restaurant that we rented together with the karaoke machine that hasn't stopped playing ever since I got here. There's snacks like peanuts everywhere and even bottles of beer and sojus.

I sat alone at one of the chairs while everyone's at the other side the restaurant. They were choosing what to eat, and I couldn't be bothered. I don't feel hungry. I just feel... empty. I don't feel anything at all. I feel like a leaf just following the direction of the way the wind blows. I looked down at the box on my lap. A box wrapped in red felt paper and shimmering ribbons.

I know that he's not going to come, but maybe if I ask his friends to give it to him, he will accept it. I know that he doesn't want to see me anymore and have anything to do with me, but this is for him. I bought this for him. I worked ward to give this to him.

This is for him.

I take it out of my lap and slid it down under my chair. Maybe if I leave this here, people will see it with Yoongi's name and they will eventually give it to him. He'll be able to receive it without having to see me.

He doesn't have to know it's from me.

I just want him to get it.

I reach for the song book and flipped a few pages. A song on top of the page I stopped on was something that made me want to express my feelings. Maybe after I sang this song, I would be able to feel a little bit better. And since everyone's still busy at the other side of the restaurant, no one will give me attention.

I want to let this out. I want to let out everything i'm feeling.

I take the remote control and pressed the numbers. I pressed on the enter button, and soon enough the words came out of the screen.

Love, That One Word by: Taeyeon

The intro started, ever so softly and melodic, making me close my eyes. I peeked and look at the other side and see other people not paying attention to me. It's perfect. Just give me four minutes alone.

Without anyone knowing, without even me knowing
I don't know when but you came into my heart
Tears fell yesterday and tears are falling again today
With my head down low, I'm looking at you

I chose the wrong song. I should have chosen a song that didn't have anything to do on what i'm going through right now. This song just makes me think of him even more. It perfectly describes what I feel.

Love has come without you knowing
Without any reason, you're in my heart
All alone, I repeat these words as I cry
Do you know?

I gripped the microphone closer into my mouth, continuing to sing as quiet as I could get. My hands started to shake uncontrollably as I reached the chorus, hot wet tears swelling from my eyes.

The one word that you draw inside of me
The one word that is always hidden inside of me
I'm looking at you, I'm always by your side
But I can't say the words I love you

And that's when I couldn't handle it anymore. My shallow and short breath echoed through the speakers combined with my sniffing. My throat felt like it's closing up by itself, making me force the words out of my mouth pitching higher than before in able to continue singing.

I managed to sing with breaks and deep breaths, until I reached the bridge of the song.

Words that my heart says
I love you more than myself
I want to love you

My eyes let go of all the tears, unable for me to stop it. It felt like an unstoppable river escaping a dam, and there is no way to stop it. I couldn't continue anymore. No matter how hard I try to squeak my voice just to continue, I couldn't.

I want to see him. I really want to see him. I want to tell him how sorry I am. I want to tell him that I regretted that day. I want to tell him how important he is to me. I want to tell him that I wasn't able to think of anything else but him. I want to tell him that he's all I see. I want to tell him that he mattered to me. I want to tell him that he made my days better.

I want to tell him that I like him.

Let me just please talk to him one more time. Let me see him one more time. That's all I want. I just want to tell him everything that I kept on bottling up inside of me. I want him to know now. I want him to know that despite his own actions and behavior, someone is able to see something in him.

Please.

Let me talk to him.

My cheeks started to hurt as I rubbed on it again and again, trying to wipe off the tears. I looked down at the ground and covered my face with both of my hands, hoping that maybe if I put pressure in it, I would soon stop crying. But it didn't help.

I lift my face up, and as I did, a loud unpleasant sound bounced around the walls of the room, making me realize that I dropped the microphone on the ground.

Min Yoongi.

Am I dreaming? Am I hallucinating?

A reflection of him standing in the window made me whip my head and look behind me. He's wearing a black knitted hat with a white sweater. He looked like a snowflake lost in a snowstorm.

He's there. He's really there.

He looked like nothing has happened to him except a gauze patched down to his left shoulder up to his neck. As I laid my eyes on him, I can feel my face becoming as white as pearl, my lips trembling even more than they were before. His eyes looked hollow and empty. But even though his face looked dark and dull, he became the only thing I could see. Everything was black except him.

It was just only him and I.

"Yoongi..." I whispered as more tears come out of my eyes. I quickly wipe them away. "I'm so-"

But before I could say anything else, he's already turned his back away from me. He starts to walk away, slamming the door shut so loudly that made everyone from the other side of the room come back to where I am.

I bend down and reach for the machine, tears streaming down my face. I stand back up with the present with both of my hands, people surrounding me. Tears continue to come out of my eyes as I bump to each and every single one of them, not caring what they're saying.

As I got out of the door, snow filled the whole area. It looked like a white paradise. I stepped out, my feet dipping into the cold wet snow. I looked to my side and see Yoongi walking faster than he ever did before. He stepped right through the snow, right through the dead empty dark roads.

I repeatedly call for his name as I followed him, sprinting towards him. But then as I ran with my eyes only focused on him, I step on a solidified snow that turned into an ice. I fall down into my knees, making the machine slip out of my hands and into the snow. The bright red felt paper that was wrapped around the machine is now a dark piece of paper that was badly threw around.

I stand up, feeling the cold air going inside my nostrils. I take the machine in my hands again, and look ahead of me to try and look for him.

But he's already standing in front of me.

"What do you want?" He asks me as his breath shows through thin air, his tone as cold as the snowflakes falling down on our heads.

I take a deep breath as I hold back tears just to be able to speak. I swallowed the lump on my throat before continuing.

"I like you."