Well...Not Anymore.

Well...Not Anymore: Chapter 17

A/N--So I'm not all that happy with this chapter, I feel like it could have been written much better.  But I'm in a hurry to get this out and get this story finished, so...here it is anyways!! 

---> Pic is of Zara!

Please comment/vote/fan/do what you do!

The moment that my eyes fall upon my mom, an array of anger, hurt, and the urge to just jump into her arms and cry, swells up inside of me. It's been so long since I've talked to her, and even longer since I've seen her face.  

But I'm not going to jump into her arms and cry even though there's a very potent part of me that wants to. Although she's not the best at it, she is still my mom and she still makes me feel really good when she holds me. I'm not going to give her that kind of satisfaction, though. I'm not going to act like everything's fine and dandy when it's really not. I'm not going to act like I'm so thrilled that she's here so I'm just going to forget what she did. 

She fled town when she knew that I'd need her. Instead of doing the selfless, right thing and coming to me when my dad committed suicide so that we could lean on each other and help each other through, she did the selfish thing and escaped to my aunt's in another state so that she wouldn't have to deal with the aftershocks in the same house. 

She should have called me, or explained things to me, or at least given me a goddamn hug before she left. Her leaving me in this town with absolutely no one-she didn't know I was friends with Lucas again-is probably the worst thing she's ever done to me. 

So I'm not going to just forget it ever happened because I'm happy to see her. 

"What are you doing here?" I ask her sternly, that urge to hug her fading the moment that I cross my arms over my chest. 

A short blonde piece of her bang hair falls in front of her puffy eyes and as she pushes it back behind her ear she says, "I came to see you, to talk to you." 

Irritated that she's not jumping to apologies for leaving me alone, I say, "Well I don't exactly want to talk to you right now, so if you could please just..." 

She cuts me off and says, "Look Naomi, I know that what I did was wrong." 

"It sure as hell was!" I pretty much shout, looking at her and wondering why she doesn't look any guiltier. She's supposed to feel awful for leaving me alone, she's not supposed to be apologizing just so that I'll talk to her. 

She tightens her grip onto the purse strap that's slung across her shoulder and says firmly, "I'm not going to stand here and have my daughter yell at me, alright? Look...I'm sorry I left, but I have my reasons." 

"No reason is good enough for just abandoning me like that," I say, my voice now more sad and hurt then angry like it was two seconds ago. 

She nods once and says, "I know that and I'm sorry for what I did. So how about I take you to iHop and we talk things through?" 

"I'll go," I say, "But not because you want me to. I'm only going to go because I'm hungry and because I don't want to be in this house any longer." 

Not when I know Lucas is sitting on the top stair of the stair well, his elbows pressed to his knees and holding up his head as he watches my mom and I's conversation. That's how he always eavesdrops. And it's not that I'm mad that he's listening in on our conversation-no, I'm pretty much used to that. I just can't be around him anymore...not after that kiss.  

Nodding her head briskly once more, she tells me, "I'll be in the car," and then turns around and heads on down the porch stairs. 

I shut the door behind her, but don't turn around immediately. Instead I take a step forward and lean my head against the warm wood of the door, taking in a deep breath to calm down my completely shaken up emotions. So much has happened tonight, is still happening, and I don't know how I haven't passed out from the intensity of it yet.