The Marauders: Year Five #Wattys2017

Thought It Would Be Fawny

Thought It Would be Fawny

"I can't believe I've let you talk me into this, I must be absolutely mental," said James.

Sirius grinned. "I can't believe you let me talk you into it, either. But it's going to be absolutely brilliant." He held his wand aloft. "Go on then."

James said, "If I end up caught - or worse, speared by one of Hagrid's ruddy crossbows - you're gonna be in big trouble 'cos I'll haunt you every bleedin' minute of the day."

Sirius's eyes twinkled, "Ghost-James might be an improvement on you."

"How?"

"Well you'd be incredibly low maintenance. Ghosts don't eat for one."

"They could eat ghost food."

"Ghost food?"

"Yes."

Sirius snorted. "Alright whatever."
Remus spoke up from the bed, where he was flipping through several textbooks, collecting all the correctly pronounced spells for their adventure, "Actually, while they cannot physically eat, they do enjoy floating hear to spoiled food - the molding gives off strong fumes that could be interpreted as sort of tasting - the sensation is... sort of similar, at least."

"So they just chuck it into their mouth holes and then what?" Sirius asked, confused. "Can a ghost take a poo?"

James honked with laughter, doubling over.

Peter couldn't help but laugh, too.

Remus shook his head, "No, Sirius, ghosts cannot take poos. They sort of fly over the rotted food with their mouths open, like a whale catching kelp..."

Sirius rubbed his chin, distracted by the new question, he asked, "What if a bloke were to die while on the loo and he's -- he's mid push -- wouldn't his ghost, then, be taking a poo... for all eternity?"

"Bloody hell, Sirius," Remus smacked his forehead.

"These are the pressing questions of the universe, Moony!" Sirius announced. "These are the sorts of things they should be teaching us here!"

"Yes, whether a ghost can take a shite or not!" Remus shook his head in absolute frustration.

Sirius's mouth quirked in amusement and he clapped with glee. "Guys. Moony just said shite."

"Sirius!"

James cleared his throat as Remus turned red. "Oi. Are we doing this or are we going to talk about the bathroom habits of the paranormal?!"

"Alright, alright -- blimey, guy can't even ask a question 'round here anymore... Go on Prongs -- change over. Let's do this."

Wally and Dexter were in the common room, waiting for the other first years to get their textbooks and hoping Remus would come down to help with the homework since Lily Evans wasn't there. Wally was staring across the room, unfocused, his stuff in a stack before him, untouched, as Dexter fuddled over a parchment, erasing some marks he'd just made with a pencil and blowing off the dust. He still didn't like using quills. ("You have to dip them every 5 seconds," he complained, "Why not just use an ink pen?" To this, Lily Evans had shrugged and replied, "Dunno, just part of the charm of Hogwarts, I suppose - loads of magic, no concept of -er- modern conveniences like ink pens." Dexter had shook his head and said, "Someday, I'm gonna invent a self-inking quill and make loads of money.")

"Wally, you alright?" Dexter asked.

Wally blinked at Dexter, as though surprised to see him there. "What? Oh. Yeah - yes, sure yes." He cleared his throat and grabbed the top textbook off his stack of them and flicked through it t the assignment and turned to look down at it, his eyes unmoving still.