Losing Kim Taehyung

twenty

"I wanted to become happy and strong,
but why am I getting weaker?"

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The whole day with Taehyung felt surreal. I thought it would be awkward again and again, but it didn't. I was sure that it was a day I would never forget. I was the happiest with him, and I thought he was with me as well.

After he was done taking a shower, he offered to watch some foreign action movies in the living room (I was hoping for a romantic-drama or maybe romantic-comedy movies, but he only have action movies, so I really couldn't do anything about it.). He prepared a bowl of popcorn and two pints of chocolate ice cream and crushed some cone on top of it. I sat on one end of the couch with my foot placed on top of my opposite thigh. Taehyung laid his head on my other thigh while we watched the first movie. For the second and third movie, he sat up, leaning close to me. Sometimes, I startled when he would suddenly held my hand then let it to go after a few seconds. I just wished he would have hold it much longer, but maybe he still felt a little uncomfortable (the same goes with me). We didn't get the chance to finish a third movie when Taehyung got bored already and wanted to play video games in his room. We did play, and he was pissed when I beat him several times in his own games.

I was having a fun time when Taehyung suddenly mentioned a name that made me feel bitter, "Solji never beat me in any of my games." He said toward his television as he changed the game again. "Are you sure you never played this?" He looked over his shoulder at his bed where I was in, and eyed me suspiciously.

"Yeah, I never played." I said, not trying to sound too sad. I sighed deeply as I let my back fell on the bed and spoke, "Maybe you just suck at this."

"You're so mean," He said, after he was done changing the game and jumped into the bed. I slowly sat up, then held the controller with both of my hands as I suddenly felt our knees touched. We played again and this time I lost to him. I no longer had the energy to play. Knowing that Solji had been here— in his bed, in his living room, in his kitchen, in his balcony or wherever Taehyung was. It made me feel bitter. Overreacting or not, I get jealous every time Taehyung had anything to say or anything to do about her. She might be his best friend, but Taehyung sees her more than that, and it's too obvious not to be noticed.

I looked at the clock hanging in his wall, and saw it was almost 6 PM. The sky was almost dark already, so I told Taehyung I have to go.

Before we left, he gave me his black hoodie and he wore a white one since it was undeniably cold outside. Winter doesn't start yet, but the strong cold breeze felt like slapping our faces and sending cold shivers to our bodies. When we left the building, we got inside the cab who just happened to stop as soon as we arrived in the front steps of the building. Taehyung said he wanted to personally apologize to my mom, for not bringing me home yesterday before midnight, so he decided to come with me.

When the cab stopped in the front steps of our gate, Taehyung and I got down. I looked behind as I walked before him, and saw him running his upper teeth against his bottom lip in nervousness. I tilted my head a bit, and stared at him, admiring this cute side of him. I approached him and slid my hand in his hand, and flashed him my reassuring smile. He then tried to smile as we got inside the house.

"Mom," I called out.

"In here," She said, loud enough for us to hear from the entrance door. Her voice came from the kitchen. When I poke my head in the kitchen doorway, I smelled a new savory aroma. I sniffed then decided to go inside. She glanced to me, as I stood beside her and watched her cook. "I'm making a simple Mexican food today." She said. My eyes landed on the tablet near the sink. I moved it away from the sink as her eyes were still locked on that YouTube video she was watching.