Senseless

Do You Have a Heart?

(Shhhh, read quietly or he'll realize I managed to get into his mind. <3 Jana pics XD) 

Christopher-

It took a while for Tommy to fall asleep, but Christopher waited. He wouldn't tell the man, yet, that he had a bit of apnea right after he fell asleep. He hoped that it was just something Tommy wasn't aware of, but has had for a while, but he wanted to make sure that it wasn't something caused by his injury or causing any problems with his ability to get enough sleep. The snoring didn't bother him, but it was something he'd continue to watch. 

Once Tommy had quieted, Christopher stood from the bed and made his way out to the patio. His pool reflected the full sky of stars, giving off a soft glow around the lanai area as Christopher dropped into a fabric beach chair. He had meant to get real furniture but just never came up with the time. 

Leaning back in the uncomfortable chair, Chris allowed his body to sink down slightly and heaved out a tired sigh. Always tired. He was used to it. It's what he signed up for when he started his schooling. His head bobbed a few times as he reminisced. He shook it several times to keep from falling asleep. 

Running a shaky hand through his messed up hair, Christopher reached into the mesh pocket of the red chair and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He flipped the paper lid open, hoping that there were none left, as his self control was at its limits. Unfortunately, there was one more cancer stick remaining in the pack just begging to settle between his lips. Telling himself he quit repeatedly in his mind wasn't able to keep his left hand from reaching for the cigarette and his right one from picking up the lighter in the other mesh holder. 

He had the stick lit and between his lips a few moments later. Chris didn't take any strong drags of the item, but he did feel its effects as he took slow, steady breaths. It calmed him, but not nearly as much as sleeping beside...

Fuck. 

Without thinking the decision through, Christopher shot up from the chair and dove into the twenty foot long pool before him. He sank to the bottom before slowly making his way to the other side underwater. When he finally came up, his head felt a little more clear. Biting down on the waterlogged cigarette between his teeth, Chris sat back on one of the underwater seats and leaned his head back on the edge of the pool. His eyes found the stars far above his head, and for once, he wished he could just change places with one of his patients. 

Not that he wanted to get hurt or sick, he was always taking care of everyone. Broken bones, pneumonia, strokes, seizures. The list went on and on and on. Yet you refuse to let someone even try to get you to sleep a few extra hours. He reminded himself with a tired chuckle. He hadn't believed the rumors as he'd started med school about doctors developing insomnia, but as he glanced around his dark backyard, and the small forest just beyond it, he couldn't think of anything else that had been more true. 

As the crickets played the background music to his quiet thoughts, Chris turned his attention to doing laps after setting the cigarette on the side of the pool. He'd had the swimming pool put in so that he could wear himself out enough to pass out from exhaustion, but lately even swimming for an hour or so hasn't been working that well. 

When he surfaced from his twentieth lap, Christopher swam over to the steps, sighing when he let them take most of his weight. His muscles ached from the exertion, and even though he knew he wasn't tired enough to sleep yet, Chris pulled himself from the pool. Since his home was fairly secluded in the back, he shed his clothes before wrapping one of the towels he always left on the extra beach chair, around his waist. 

Stepping back inside his home, Chris quietly slid the glass door shut, then flipped its lock before padding his way to his room in the darkness. He had a small night light in the hall, giving him just enough light to maneuver the area without much difficulty. 

After rinsing off in the shower quickly, Chris tugged on a pair of black boxers, then carefully settled into his bed. When he was comfortable, he finally let his attention turn to Tommy. The man was asleep beside him, snoring quietly again, even though his mouth was open. 

I'll have to have him tested. He might need some extra medication for a bit. 

It was something to worry about in the morning, however. Even in the dim light coming from the hallway, Christopher could see that Tommy was truly deep asleep. He was jealous, too. The last time he'd been able to fall asleep so quickly, and actually sleep more than a few hours, had been months ago. He knew that he needed a vacation, but he didn't feel like he really deserved one. He had a skill that saved lives. When he went off and relaxed, people died. 

It was a harsh view, but he knew that it was true, too a point. Blinking out of his thoughts, Christopher leaned onto his side and reached over to tuck a soft strand of hair behind Tommy's ear. The man was handsome, even though he had dark bags beneath his eyes and stress creased his brow as he dreamed. 

His mind wandered as it began to get blurry. He couldn't pinpoint what he was thinking as he moved a little closer. Just close enough to feel the warmth coming off of the other man's body. That's all his tired body seemed to want, because each time he found himself waking throughout the night, he was closer and closer to Tommy, until he forced himself to scoot to the edge of the bed. 

The next time he awoke, a few hours before dawn, Chris new that he was in trouble. But fuck it if you'll move away... and he shouldn't be sleeping on his side. He took in a deep breath as his thoughts drifted off into his mind, feeling his chest press against Tommy's warm one  as he inhaled the man's scent. Tommy's soft breaths rustled his hair lightly and as Chris shifted a bit to get more comfortable and closed his eyes again, he felt Tommy's arms tighten around his back, hugging him closer. 

(It was short but omg it was hard to get anything out of Chris's mind x___x. This will likely be his only chapter. He's too hard to read ><)