Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 84

Emma

It's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake.

I haven't been able to sleep and it's been hours since Harry and I decided to call it a night.

Turning my head I look over at the impossible handsome man who has managed to cause me such pain this past week as well as being my special healing remedy.

Right now he's so peaceful, so calm just sleeping there, his strong arm wrapped around me. I wish I could be like that.

Was I too easy on him?

What more can I really do anyway? I can't blame Harry forever for the contact he had with Jessica.

I've confronted her, got in her face and threatened her, Harry even blocked her number, there is nothing else I can do and apart from hiring a 24/7 bodyguard for my six foot tall boyfriend, which I don't have money for and the image of it is ridiculous anyway, there really is nothing left to do than move forward.

That seems to be the pattern in my life.

Something fucked up happens, people get hurt, I move forward. It's the endless cycle and it hurts but that's life and this fact won't ever change.

After all it's one of the things I'm good at, moving forward after life goes tits up but this time is different.

Can we go forward together?

Slowly and gently I slip out of bed and grab my robe. If I can't sleep I might as well drink some coffee and calm my quivering nerves.

I close my door hoping not to wake him and have yet another discussion about is today. I'm far too tired for all that, doesn't matter that I can't get to sleep, I'm still exhausted.

"Emma?" My stomach flips as I turn around and see Lina standing under her doorframe. "I thought I heard you."

"Yeah, couldn't sleep" leaning against the wall thankful to be talking with my best friend.

"How are you? Earlier on the phone you seemed a bit..."

"Crazy and emotional?" I sarcastically smirk at her.

"Yeah" she chuckles in response "want to talk about it?" I nod and we enter her room.

It's far more girly than mine but it's homey. "Where's Henry?"

"Oh he's stuck in the library studying, might be here later but I'm not counting on it" she explains as she smiles down at her engagement ring.

We get comfortable on her mattress and she waits for me to start. Well she should know better than that, I suck at this emotional crap. However knowing she can be more stubborn and bullheaded than I am I decide to start out simply.

"How was your weekend?"

"Cut the shit and tell me what happened." She interrupts and I do just that. I tell her everything from Harry blaming me for his gran's death to finding Jessica all over his phone to our reconciliation a few hours ago.

It's interesting because as I think back to everything that has happened, as I explain it, it all becomes more and more clear that what we need is for me to tell him. It'll hurt but I need to do this.

"So why haven't you told him yet?" She asks pointedly.

I've been asking myself the same question and there's really only one answer.

"I'm scared of the way he'll look at me Lina." Harry means too much, our relationship keeps me steady, I don't want that to change.

Of course things have already been rocky so what am I really trying to protect?