14. smoking to die or smoking to breathe?

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J A Y

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J A Y

I thought Soren was asleep when I sat next to him, outside the counsellor's door. His eyes were closed, his arms were crossed, as the muscles in his face were relaxed completely. Music blasted into his ears so loud, I could almost make out the words.

Tapping him on the shoulder gently only resulted in Soren opening one eye slightly, giving me a blank look before closing it again.

"Why is your eye red?" I asked, putting my bag on the floor and leaning back on the stiff, barely comfortable couch.

"I don't know what you're talking about." His voice was hoarse and emotionless and a deep circle curved under his eye like a cavern.

"Oh my god, look at that!" I pointed to the wall dramatically, waiting a moment while looking at Soren who hadn't moved, "Oh, come on. Let me see your eye."

"Go away, Jay." Soren huffed before pulling both earbuds out when I didn't move, "Fuck you, I'm hungover."

My eyes widened as Soren pulled down his hood and I took in the full extent of his face. Dark, almost black, circles curved around his eyes. They were red and watery. His cheekbones stuck out against his sickly looking skin.

"What happened?" I asked, one hand covering my mouth slightly as Soren ignored me, pulling his hood back over his head.

"Ain't none of your business." He grumbled, putting in one earbud before pulling it back out, "Ms. Daisy got fired; there's a new guy. Got ideas who he is?"

I shrugged, still focussed on how ill Soren looked. It was at that moment the counsellor's door opened and a man with messy, wild hair stared at us both.

"Sorry, kids, I know this is not a good first impression but my neighbour just got hit by a car." The man dressed in ironed pants took a breath, "I'm Henry."

Soren and I sat in silence, a little stunned with what Henry had just told us to start with.
He opened his mouth again, "Well, we could do a joined session or we can do it tomorrow."

I looked at Soren who had a completely confused expression before saying slowly, "Your neighbour got hit by a car?"

The man nodded, "Watering the flowers."

"What? Were the flowers growing on the road?" Soren smirked and swallowed awkwardly. Henry looked like he was in his mid fifties.

"To her, they were." His voice was calm yet full emotion as he watched Soren and I realized that his neighbour wasn't well.

"We'll do a joined session, or else I have to fucking come back tomorrow." Soren huffed, pulling himself off the couch and walking over to the man.

The new counsellor gave me a look, which I responded to blankly before standing up stiffly and nodding. He moved aside as I walked inside the room.

S O R E N

"I see you two must be friends if you're willing enough to do counselling together." Henry acknowledged, his hands resting in his lap as he stared at us kindly.

I glanced at him before ignoring his statement completely, "Got a cigarette?"

"Actually, I do," he pulled a pack off his jacket pocket, taking one out and holding one out to me. "Please, tell me you're eighteen."

I lied, nodding to him.

I went to grab it but he pulled back, "You're killing yourself by taking this."

My fingers grasped the cigarette and pulled it out of his grip, putting it between my lips. I pulled the lighter out of my pocket.

Henry watched me carefully but I ignored his gaze, "Why carry a lighter without a cigarette?"

"Why carry a box of cigarettes without a lighter?" I argued, taking in a deep breath and looking at him through the smoke.

"How how do you know I don't carry a lighter?" Henry pressed, watching me curiously, as I blew smoke into the room through my nose.

"You would've offered it to me." I smirked at the man who clearly couldn't see who he was dealing with.

"I carry it probably for the same reason as you do: Holding the key to death but having nothing to light it with, or nothing to light." We held the hard gaze and I blew smoke into his face.

He turned to Jay and smiled, "And you, why are you here?"

"If you know my name, you've read my folder." Jay said simply and with a smile. Henry looked back to me then to Jay.

"Why are you two friends? You seem to be complete opposites." He asked, watching me smother the butt of the cigarette into his table.

"Why are you asking us? You're the counsellor; you should know the values of friendship and how people attract to each other." I raised an eyebrow at him, sitting back in the chair as I rested my feet on his table.

"I do. I was asking why you think you became friends." He turned to Jay, "And what about you; why do you think you're friends?"

She looked at me once before turning to Henry, "It's company."

He nodded softly, "How's your mom, Jay? Your file says you visit her every few weeks."

I turned to her in confusion knowing that her mom was in England and assumed she'd not had contact with her in years.

"She's alright." Her voice was soft. She refused to look at me as I glared at her.

"You fucking liar."

Henry checked his watch, "Well, I need to go give my respects to my neighbour."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I pointing an accusing friend at him, "You asshole, you literally caused a fight between us and now you're leaving."

"Being friends is more than companionship; you need to know stuff about each other and, obviously, you don't." He pulled on his suit coat before giving me a kind smile, "Maybe if you'd stop the shitty habit of smoking you'd realise your friend here—" he gestured to Jay, "is better than nicotine."

Her eyes widened from shock and my brow creased but Henry just laughed, "The response that nicotine gives the body is the feeling of relief, of calmness."

He opened his office door, "Become closer friends, trust each other and Soren, you'll never need another cigarette again."

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