First Dance

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"I'm dying to catch my breath. Oh why don't I ever learn?".

Jonathan and I turn and sway around the wooden dance floor. My hand rests on his bicep and my arm wrapped over his shoulders. Jonathan grips my waist loosely, holding me tightly to him.

"I've lost all my trust, though I've surely tried to turn it around".

I sing quietly along to my favorite song. With the message I take from this song, it has to do with almost every part of my relationship with Jonathan.

"Can you still see the heart of me? All my agony fades away when you hold me in your embrace. Don't tear me down for all I need, make my heart a better place".

Jonathan's chin rests on my shoulder, I run my hand over the back of his head. I keep my eyes on the retro light bulbs hanging on wires on the outside of the garden. They gleam like bright stars.

"Give me something I can believe. Don't tear me down. You've opened a door, don't let it close".

Jonathan grabs my hands, steps away from me, and spins me once. He makes me giggle as we go back to our original dance position. I can feel the smile on his face as he kisses the shell of my ear.

"I'm here on the edge again. I wish I could let it go. I know that I'm only one step away from turning it around. Can you still see the heart of me? All my agony fades away when you hold me in your embrace".

Here, with Jonathan, in front of all these people, helps me let go of all the bad things that have happened in the past ten years. I hadn't been this happy since before high school. But, now, I'm in my late twenties, have an amazing job that is the absolute best job I've ever had, and I'm now married to the guy of my dreams. Jonathan is kind to anybody and everybody, he keeps promises, even the smallest ones, and Jonathan is the only guy I've met since college that said he would wait until I was ready to be intimate.

"Don't tear me down for all I need. Make my heart a better place. Give me something I believe. Don't tear it down, what's left of me. Make my heart a better place. I tried many times but nothing was real. Make it fade away, don't break me down. I want to believe that this is for real. Save me from the fear. Don't tear me down".

The song is about to end, so Jonathan and I move away from each other. I look up into his eyes. With tears in my own eyes, I can see them in his too. I wipe my fingers under his eyes, just like I did to Dad a few minutes ago.

"I love you, CJ. You have no idea how much".

The crowd around us claps, then people start to dance on the dance floor around us as the next song starts. Jonathan and I continue to stare at each other.

"You are the one person who accepts me for me, no matter how messed up I am".

Jonathan smiles down at me. "You're not messed, Baby. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I get to see you and all your beauty for the rest of our lives. I'm never letting you go".

"You. You are the man of my dreams. I'm never letting you let me go".

"Come on, come on, come on", I suddenly feel a hand grab my wrist and spin me around. "We have to dance together. Come on, come on".

Kayla pulls me a little ways away from Jonathan and we start to dance to the music, some song that I can't quite remember the name of. I look back at Jonathan, who watches for a moment, then walks off to one of my young cousins, who he had met earlier. She's only about four, and found Jonathan as her new best friend. He pulls her out of her chair and they dance at the edge of the dance floor. She stands on his toes and he holds he up with her hands.

A slow song comes on next, so it's Kayla's turn to dance with me. We wrap our arms around each other and take over exaggerated steps from side to side. We giggle lightly, just like we did at prom in senior year, when she came out to Colorado for that week.

"The sun is starting to set honey, the photographer is ready", Mom comes up to me and Kayla. We grab the rest of the wedding party and head to where the ceremony was a few hours ago.

We start on the wedding photo's with our bridesmaids and groomsmen. The pictures with them turn out absolutely amazing with the sun setting and the lake behind us. Jonathan and I are left with the photographer for our solo pictures. We stand down on the sandy beach and stand in front of the sunset, letting the photographer do her job.

"Cake time", the DJ calls through the gardens as we walk back to the reception after our photos.

I look over at the cake table. It's not what I was expecting, and I almost faint. The cake is red and black with the Blackhawks logo all over it. The wedding topper is of Jonathan and I, each with a 'Hawks jersey over our wedding attire.

Where is my perfect cake?

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