― thirty-four: epilogue

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[ CHAPTER 34 : EPILOGUE :in my eyes, indisposed. in disguises, no one knows. hides the face, lies the snake, the sun in my disgrace. boiling heat, summer stench 'neath the black the sky looks dead. call my name through the cream, and i'll hear you scream again. black hole sun, won't you come, and wash away the rain? black hole sun, won't you come? won't you come" won't you come?]

★★★★★  


          PARKER STANDS IN FRONT of her grandmother's grave, a fresh bouquet of flowers lying by her tombstone. Just beside it, lies her once upon a time 'boyfriend' and former friends. At one point, Rose could've died alongside them, her life being taken away too. Now, the woman is reunited with those that were horrifyingly taken away from her. It's...fitting, or so Parker believes. It's the way her grandmother must've wanted it, or at least probably wanted it. She can't be completely sure, till the end she didn't know her grandmother. They didn't know each other.

          A wistful sigh leaves her mouth, as her fingers dance over the stone plate. Over her grandmother's name, over her death date, the words that sprawl on about being a good mother and grandmother―too which she scoffs. "Who wrote this?" She chuckles, clearing the tears from her cheeks. A good grandmother? She wasn't a grandmother at all. She was Rose, just Rose. The woman who dressed half her age, was an alcoholic, and purposely got her name wrong just to make her upset. The woman who, despite everything she went through, persevered to raise an amazing woman who would do the same thing with Parker. She was crazy. She was angry. She was Rose. Crazy Rose.

          "I hope you're happy," The girl whispers, "Wherever you may be, I hope you're happy," A somber smile finds its way to her pink lips as she comfortably bundles further into her sweater and scarf. "I'm keeping your promise, Rose. I'm leaving Arcadia next year, for school, and I won't come back," That's a promise she keeps to heart. It was the last thing they ever said to one another, and it's the first time Rose ever made sense in Parker's mind. "Mom and dad, they're going to move to Oregon to be close to me while I attend college. Did I mention mom's pregnant? Crazy, right?" She chuckles, her tears slipping down her cheeks and she quickly wipes them away.  She doesn't want to be crying. This isn't sad. It shouldn't be. This should be happy. Everything's better now. "Yeah, seven months, it's a boy. Can you believe it? I'm going to be a big sister, and you're going to be a grandmother...again. I'll make sure to tell him all the stories about you, the mildly-good ones to moderately-bad ones,"

          The girl sniffles and runs a hand through her hair.

          Her thoughts haven't been this wild since the day the game ended. Parker supposes being around her past, her grandmother, brings it out of her. A panic endearing situation that she can't crawl away from: she needs to get her emotions out. "I know we didn't get on well, and I know I often talked about you in a bad light―but I do love you, Rose...did, love you, and I-I just wanted you to know that," The girl gulps down the rest of her tears and sucks in a breath as she takes a step away from Rose's grave. "I'm sorry, it's taken this long for me to visit―you're always in my heart though, Rose, and I'll think about you often once we leave for Oregon―I guess, this is goodbye for now." 

          Feeling awkward Parker nods at Rose's grave and then steps away. The brunette keeps her head down as she walks through the dew drop covered grass, dodging grave sites, and heading for the parking lot.  She takes her time, her chapped lips burning from the chilling wind, and her stained cheeks glistening from the morning fog and rain that shines over the cemetery eerily. Her gut no longer twists and churns from the panic and pressure of her past―a lightweight feeling hangs around her. It makes her feel nicer. Nice that the past no longer holds itself over her head. After a year, she finally made it to say her goodbyes to her grandmother. It may have taken long, but she did it: she made peace.

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