Without Dazai, I had nothing.
I never felt romantically towards him but, I needed someone to be by my side. I fell back into my irrational state of mind. My anxiety grew worse and worse as I felt loneliness once again.
The creature in my mind began to appear again. My childhood "imaginary friend" that I had suppressed all these years came out "to play". It sat at the foot of my bed staring at me like I was its next meal. I tried to walk around town but, wherever I went it followed. I slowly gave into my current unhealthy lifestyle.
I didn't leave my apartment after that. I ate only when needed. I could already tell that I was losing weight quickly. My appearance looked worse than from before. Dark circles were around my eyes from the countless sleepless nights I endured as it whispered in my ear hoping for a reaction. It wanted me to snap. It wanted me to give in and feed my anger.
It only took concentration for me to clear my mind. I wouldn't allow it to push me over the edge like this.
What are you running away from?
My eyes snapped open to see its beady red ones staring right into my own. It lingered by my bedside, smiling at me.
There was a deadly silence.
The darkness shrouded around me as it crept closer. Soon, it was inches away from me. Its haunting laughter gave me goosebumps. I clutched my bedsheets frozen in shock.
Don't you know? You're a monster.
My palms sweat profusely. My heartbeat was nonexistent. I began to panic when I didn't feel the pounding in my chest. My whole body began to shake as it laughed at my reaction.
You'll just hurt others. Why don't you feel the pain that you already inflicted upon them?
Those words rang through my mind. I couldn't die. How I wanted to die. It would've been easier to end it.
"I won't do it." I cried.
I guess I have no choice.
It became hard to breathe. I gasped for air but, it smirked, tightening its grip on my throat. My shaky hands tried to pry it off of me but, it was no use.
I then began to claw at my throat. Tears streamed down my blue face as its claws tug into my neck.
I grew weaker and weaker. My vision blurred and blackened. A ringing replaced the laughter from it. As my body fell limp on my bed, I heard a voice.
"[Y/n]!"
The distant scream was the last thing I heard once I met Death for the second time.
