What The Heart Craves (Complete)

Chapter 12 - Part 2

Lacey

When his eyes lifted to mine, it was bad. Adonis must have seen the same thing because he reached out and held my hand as we waited for the specialist to give us his verdict.

His eyes met with Adonis before they rested back on me.

"From what I can determine, it doesn't seem to be malignant."

He looked down at my file and studied a sheet of paper. I felt a moment of relief. He didn't think it was cancerous. Adonis squeezed my hand as I glanced in his direction, and he gave me an encouraging smile.

"But," he said as my eyes moved back to him.

And there it was, the 'but'. I held my breath. My heart raced.

"There is no way to treat it. We must remove it with surgery," he said, and I just kept staring at him as his words sunk in. Surgery. That meant they would have to cut my head open.

My free hand touched my forehead. It wasn't like this scenario had never crossed my mind; it had. I just didn't think that it would happen. I'd expected them to put me on some medication to shrink it.

Adonis gripped my hand firmly, and I peered at him, but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes fixed on the doctor.

"Shouldn't surgery be the last resort?"

"It is." Dr. Clark turned his attention to me. "The tumor is growing at a rate that it will keep putting pressure on your brain, the symptoms you've been experiencing will get worse. Your only option is to remove it."

Only option. Echoed in my mind. I didn't have a choice. If I wanted to live, I would have to go through with the surgery.

"The surgery will be risky," he added. My eyes widened in alarm.

"What is the success rate?" Adonis sounded nervous for the first time, which only intensified my worry. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what the odds were. Dr. Clark hesitated for a moment before he answered.

"Thirty percent," he said.

Only thirty percent I wanted to yell, but I kept silent. I had lower odds than a toss of a coin.

"What are the risks?" My mom spoke for the first time.

"With any surgery, this is always a risk. The second biggest risk for this surgery is brain damage."

My mind fixed on his words. Brain damage.

I stopped listening after that. All I could think about was what he'd just said. I could survive the risky surgery and I still wouldn't be the same. I might wake up and not be able to function as a person. At that moment I wasn't sure which risk scared me more, death or living but being unable to do anything for myself. Possibly being a prisoner in my body.

It was too much to process all at once. My mom and Adonis' voices surrounded me, but I couldn't focus on what they were saying. I needed to get out. In the middle of the conversation, I stood. I couldn't cope with anymore and it scared me that there would be more that I didn't want to hear.

The conversation ceased, and Adonis rose. He looked at me with concern. But I just shook my head at him, unable to explain the panic that held me tight in its grip.

"I can't," I mumbled before I turned and fled from the office. I didn't care that I'd left my appointment halfway through it, all that mattered at that point was getting away. The receptionist watched as I dashed through the waiting room.

It made no logical sense. Running away solved nothing. The tumor was still inside my head and I would still need the surgery. I couldn't stop myself. I made it into the empty lift, stabbing the buttons to get away as fast as possible. Adonis stepped into the lift just before the doors closed.

"Harp," he said, and I swallowed the emotion that threatened to overwhelm me.

I shook my head.

"It's okay," He moved closer, trying to comfort me, but I just shook my head again and backed away. No. No, it wasn't okay.

I needed to get away. No words were going to calm the tidal wave of emotion building up inside of me. I couldn't think about the only option that I had.

What if I didn't survive the surgery? I couldn't think about what impact that would have on the people I loved.

I couldn't think about the fact that even if I survived did, I wouldn't be able to function and I would need someone to care for me. It scared me.

Adonis lifted my chin with his finger so my eyes looked into his.

"You'll be fine," he said. He sounded so sure that I wanted to believe him, but the reality was he couldn't know that. No one could, not even the specialist.

The lift opened pulled our attention back to the present. I hurried out and stepped out the building to find a few excited girls who noticed Adonis exit the building behind me. They rushed to him asking for autographs, and I sidestepped them and continued to the car. I yanked open the passenger door and got in to watch Adonis work his way through the growing crowd.

"I'm just going to get your mom," he said. He waited for a response, and all I could muster was a slight nod. I felt bad for storming out of the office.

The growing crowd gathered around the car, but I turned my head away from the window. Adonis smiled at them as he made his way back into the building to get my mom. The crowd grew as more fans waited to glimpse Adonis.

Inside the car with darkened windows, I felt so alone. I didn't want to break down, but I couldn't stop the few tears that slid down my face and I brushed them away. I needed to pull myself together.

Ten minutes later my tears dried up, and I was trying not to let my emotions smother me. The crowd squealed as Adonis exited with my mom.

It felt so strange watching this side of him. He stopped and signed some autographs as he made his way through the crowd. I didn't know how he could handle it all so well. He didn't look annoyed, and he interacted

with his fans, even standing and allowing some of them to take their pictures with him. This was his life.

After a few more minutes of interacting with his fans, he opened the backdoor of his car for my mom and I turned to face her. Her sympathetic gaze tore me apart, and it took all I had not to bawl like a baby. Being that emotional would only make things worse. I didn't want her to see me fall apart because it would only upset her more and I didn't want that.

"It'll be okay," my mom whispered hoarsely as she reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. I nodded at her, unable to speak without allowing my fear to overwhelm me.

Moments later Adonis was in the driver's seat, navigating his way out of the parking space through the crowd of fans.

The car ride back to my house was quiet. Everyone seemed to be subdued with their own thoughts. Halfway through the drive, Adonis reached over and intertwined his fingers with mine. I looked down to our joined hands; I didn't feel so alone anymore and I let out a soft sigh, trying to cope with my whirlwind of emotions trying to break free from me.

When I was alone and when I didn't need to be strong, I would allow myself to deal with the emotions I was barely keeping at bay. I bit down on my nail as I looked out of the window, trying to sort through my thoughts but the only thing that kept repeating through my mind.

Surgery. Brain damage. Death.

When we pulled into my driveway, I felt anxious. I didn't want to get out and Adonis seemed to understand that because he made no move to get out of the car.

"I'll be inside," my mom said softly, and she got out of the door. She let herself into the house.

She could tell my dad and Alex, and I wouldn't have to watch their reaction or relive my fear again. I didn't want to hear the words out aloud again. Looking at Adonis, I felt a lump in my throat and he reached for me and put his arms around me, hugging me close as my tears spilled over.