Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 1

Thank you to @EvergreenWriter for this beautiful cover art!!^

Chapter 1- A New Start
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As my mother and I approached our new house, my emotions were all over the place. I was anxious to see my new house, town, school, and life. I was nervous to start over. However, I was also excited to be getting a fresh start.

Despite the developing emotions about my new life, I knew that I couldn't run away from my problems forever. I had learned to accept the fact that I would never live a normal life, with normal friends, or a normal family.

My status quo had become an abnormal mixture of fear and heartbreak, and no matter how much I tried to get away from that, it would always find it's way back to me.

But I knew I needed to move forward. Each day was a new one, and even though the deck of cards I had been dealt were so shitty that they'd make any gambler cry of fear.. I needed to find a way to use them. To make a new life for myself.. and my mom.

As our car pulled into the driveway, I was afraid to look up at my new home. When I did, however, I felt a smile spread on my face. It was a pretty decent sized house. It was white, and had some palm trees in the front yard. The grass was a vibrant green and the landscaping was nice and neat.

Seeing the house sparked a bizarre feeling of joy inside of me. However, my bliss quickly came to an end as I realized how expensive the house must have been.

I was about to ask my mother how she was able to afford it, when I realized that I probably didn't want to know the answer.

My mother didn't have a good job, and definitely spent the majority of her money on alcohol, so I figured that I'd rather not know who she scammed to get this gorgeous house.

My mom never used to be a junkie... but my father's death and my brother's arrest really impacted her life in a very negative way. It impacted me, too.

As I was helping her with the few bags, I took my first look in the house. It was very modern and reminded me of something that someone might find on Pinterest or something.

I ran up to what I assumed was my room and looked around in awe. The walls were a shade of light grey, and there were huge windows that viewed over some beautiful Californian scenery. I even had my own goddamn bathroom.

All I wanted to do was just fall on my bed and sleep my severely sleep-deprived ass off that probably hadn't slept in days.

However, the moving truck was coming tomorrow, so I was going to have to sleep on the dark, hardwood flooring. I placed my bags on the floor and walked back out of my room, down the stairs, and to the kitchen.

"So how do you like it?" my mother asked and smiled. I was a little taken back at how sober my mother was. I decided to embrace it while it lasted.

"It's so pretty!" I said and looked around the kitchen, resting my arm on the island, which was located in the middle of the kitchen.

"Hopefully we can start a new life together here," she said and smiled again.

I felt a certain rise in my chest that I hadn't experienced in a few years... hope. The newly aroused emotion scared me, so I quickly pushed it back down into the depths of my heart, where it would be poisoned with the ink that was held in my heart; turning it into fear.

What if we couldn't start over? My mom probably would start drinking again once she starts to think about my fath-

"Your father would have loved this place," she said and took the flask out of her back pocket. She took a swig of her precious alcohol and sighed. Told ya..

"I think I'm gonna go upstairs and unpack what I have," I said, trying to change the subject. She nodded and looked down as I ran back up to my room.

I closed my door and stared out my window-wall. Life will go on, whether I want it to or not.

There was something weirdly comforting about the fact that time didn't stop for anybody. It was sort of.. peaceful to think about.

I began to unpack the few clothes that I had thrown in my carry on, and all of the electronics that I brought. I plugged my charger into my phone and opened up my laptop.

Just as I was about to go onto Facebook, a picture folder caught my eye that was in the bottom right corner of my desktop screen. The folder was titled "Old Family Pictures".

I hesitated as I went to click on it. I knew that it wouldn't lighten the mood, but I hadn't looked at pictures of my family before everything happened in so long.

I opened the folder and clicked on the first picture. It was a picture of my brother and I when we were little. We were hugging each other and smiling.

My lips couldn't help but curve up slightly as I looked at the pictures of my brother and I posing like we were in an action movie.

I played a video and smiled as it progressed. My dad was tickling my brother as I was trying to save him by attacking my dad, meanwhile my mom was cracking up behind the camera.

When the video came to an end, I resumed looking at pictures of my family together.

The happy, nostalgic thoughts soon turned back to sorrow and grief as I remembered what our family had become, and what it would never be again.

I quickly closed out of the folder and put my laptop away. I walked into the bathroom and wiped away the lone tear that had fallen from my deep, blue eyes. I heard a knock on my door and opened it, revealing my mom.

"I just got a call from the moving company, they said that they are going to be delivering our stuff today, instead." She smiled and I nodded. "I'm gonna go to the store and get some things for us," my mom said but I quickly chimed in.

"Um, no. You've been drinking. I'll go. Just give me a list and I'll get some stuff," I said and a sad yet understanding look spread across her face.

"I'll go make one," she said and walked into her room. When she gave me the list, I went to the grocery store and got everything that she should have been getting.

My mom used to love shopping and buying fun groceries to surprise us with when she got home. She loved getting out of the house and accidentally spending way too much money on all these different foods. But not anymore.

Whoever she had turned into was barely sober enough to even think about the groceries we needed, or the electric bills that we needed to pay. I wondered if when she looked in the mirror, she recognized herself. Because I sure as hell didn't.

I knew that this was going to happen- I was going to end up taking care of her again while she wasted all of our money on alcohol and drugs. This was why I couldn't afford to have hope.

People think that the expression 'Hope is the only thing stronger than fear' means that when you have hope, it will let you overpower the fear and accomplish whatever you want... but the expression actually means that hope will fuck up your life much more than if you live in fear and are aware that hope doesn't do anything for you besides disappoint you.

The rest of the week, my mother and I got settled in and started to get comfortable in our new home. I enjoyed my final sleep before my first day of senior year, gazing out at all of the stars as I began to doze off.

• • •

Hey guys!

Hope you all are enjoying it so far,

Please please vote and comment whatever you'd like ;)

QOTD: What's your favorite book series??

>mine has to be the Chaos Walking series (highly recommend reading it if you haven't!) (this is excluding Harry Potter bc obviously that's my ride-or-die)

Anywayy, love you all thanks for reading!

Stay beautiful <3