What The Heart Craves (Complete)

Chapter 18 - Part 1

Lacey

"How did you know where I was?"

His eyes met mine. There was sadness, resignation in them, and I felt my stomach dip. The effect was instant.

"You had me followed again, didn't you?" I already knew the answer before he nodded.

I should have felt angry, but I wasn't, I understood it was his way of watching over me. Besides, after having upset him, it was best to just let it slide; I didn't have the heart to fight with him about it. It was best to pick my battles.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, shoving his hands into his pockets. His eyes were steady on hers.

I shrugged. Admitting I was feeling heartbroken over him was impossible.

"I'm okay." I dropped my gaze to the ground.

It felt like there was a vast canyon between us. I wanted to reach across it and take his hand in mine, but I believed I was doing the best for him and I had to stick to the plan no matter how much it hurt. I had to let him go.

"Alex said you had a migraine last night," he said, watching me closely when I lifted my eyes to his. I'd suffered from many migraines. It wasn't anything new, but he made it sound like I was trying to hide something.

The park was getting busier, and we were attracting attention. A hoodie didn't hide his face completely, and it only one hysterical girl to recognize him for it to turn into a mob.

"Let's finish this talk in my car." He scanned the surrounding area with a sense of unease.

I wasn't sure we had anything to talk about, but I didn't want to cause a scene. As he turned to walk back to his car, I followed behind. We both got into it. The silence was heavy with my somberness and the undercurrent of his anger.

"What do you want, Gray?" I refused to meet his gaze.

When the silence stretched on, I watched him. He was studying me.

"I want you to have the surgery as soon as possible," he said. His one hand tightened around the steering wheel.

We were at a stalemate.

"I can't." I averted my gaze from his but his brilliant blue stayed on me; the heat of his stare on my face.

"Why?" His voice hoarse. Even if I got him to understand why, it didn't go with my plan to ease his pain, but I felt compelled to explain it to him like I had to my family and Aiden.

"You take it for granted that you'll have an entire life, but I might not have that. I only have a thirty percent chance, the time I have until the surgery may be all the time I will ever have." I could see my fear reflected in his eyes.

He was struggling to understand my reasoning. He narrowed his eyes as he watched me.

"I know the risks of delaying but I need time." My eyes met his.

"But you could have the surgery now. You could survive it and have a full long life," he argued. He didn't get it and no matter what I said, he wouldn't understand my decision.

I bit my lip; I wasn't an optimist by nature.

"Or I could die," I stated. He let out a heavy sigh and looked out the window. I watched him for a few moments. He seemed to stare, but not seeing what was in front of him.

"You're tearing me apart," he whispered hoarsely.

My heart ached for him. It was one of the hardest moments I'd ever experienced. Hearing

the hurt in his voice and seeing the vulnerable side of him few saw. I didn't want to be the one to cause him any pain, but I was. It was inevitable, something I could not avoid.

When he faced me, the despair clear in his expression crushed me.

I wanted to reach out my hand and brush my fingers against his cheek and tell him everything would be okay. Something in me wanted to ease his pain, no matter the cost. I wanted to tell him I would do anything to stop his pain, but I couldn't.

"I'm not trying to hurt you." I looked to the park. This was so hard, and I felt an overwhelming anger. It wasn't fair. We'd just found our way to each other, only to find that I didn't have the time we thought we would.

He looked at me skeptically.

"I'm not," I argued. His eyes left me to settle on the view of the park.

I wanted to think about a time that we wouldn't have: the dates we wouldn't go on, the kisses we wouldn't share, and the love that wouldn't carry us through our lives. I watched a couple walk past us. They were around our age, but unlike us they didn't seem to have a care in the world and I felt a stab of anger. Why was this happening to us? Why couldn't we be like them? I took a deep breath. Why did I have to be sick?

But life wasn't fair, and no amount of anger was going to change it. I let out a resigned sigh.

A heavy silence settled over us. I kept my eyes on the strangers walking past the car. After a few minutes, Adonis started up the car. He never said another word. There wasn't anything more to say.

It was only when he pulled up in my driveway did he turn off the car and then turn to face me. I face him reluctantly.

"I love you," he whispered, and I tried to brace myself for the pain that would come. "and I would do anything for you."

His words pulled at my heart, and I felt the tears sting.

"But this... I can't...."

And there it was. It was what I wanted, to let him go, but I felt like something inside of me was dying. Maybe it was the thirteen-year-old who had fallen in love with him, the younger version of me that had believed that love could conquer all, but in real life, it didn't.

"I can't be okay with your decision. Every day, you delay is one step closer to death. It's like watching you commit the slowest suicide and... I can't do anything to stop it." He expelled a deep emotional breath. Even though I knew it was for the best, his words hurt me. I understood why I wanted the time, but he didn't and there was no way to explain it to him.

My eyes water and a tear escaped. It slid down my face and I brushed it away.

He reached out his hand to cover mine, but before he touched me, he hesitated and then retracted his hand.

"I get it." I tried to keep myself from falling to pieces.

I brushed another tear that escaped. My heartbreak was amplifying my already volatile emotions. Fearing I'd end up sobbing my heart out in front of him and opened the door. I stumbled out and closed the door. When I reached the front door, the floodgates opened, and I made it into the house when the tears streamed down my face.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, concern in his features when he took in my upset state as I entered the house but I didn't answer him instead I brushed past him and ran up the stairs.

My fear and pain seeped through the cracks in my armor, I didn't want to cry in front of my family. Inside the safety of my room, I lay on my bed and hugged my pillow while I cried.

Half an hour later I felt numb, I felt emotionally drained. I sat up. It surprised me that someone hadn't come to check up on me, but I was thankful that they'd left me alone to deal with so I could pick up the pieces.