melancholy soundtrack to her smile (camren one shots)

you and me and a bottle of wine (explicit)

Everyone was sitting in their pretty dresses and fancy suits. Normani's fiancé stood up there looking more nervous than I had ever seen him, and the happiest. And any minute his bride was going to come walking down that aisle, looking as beautiful as possible.

We all knew she would be the first to get married, even if we were still so young. Some said they were crazy (I thought they were just crazy in love). And I envied them.

It was weird being there, seeing everyone together in the same place—almost like a reunion I never wanted to attend. But I would always be there to support Normani. The setting was perfect, especially for them; a simple, small wedding outdoors, overlooking the beach. The weather was nice and everyone was happy. And I did my best to not look up at the altar at the two other people standing, waiting.

Of course they were both there. I didn't know why I was still so surprised to see her. I knew she was going to come. She was an important part of this wedding. And he was the best man. He had no choice but to be there (unless he wanted to look like even more of an ass).

If it wasn't for the wedding, I honestly thought I was never going to see Lauren again. She looked different. Anyone would after a whole year of no contact (like, absolutely none). Her hair was darker, her skin was lighter, and she looked thinner.

But she was still as beautiful as I remember, and I hated myself for admitting it.

Over the last year I had done everything in my power to not think of her. It wasn't worth it. It never did me any good and I was glad I could actually breathe without her. I could live my life without her and the mess we had become. I just didn't prepare for seeing her now. And I couldn't seem to calm down.

As much as I didn't want to, I would look at her from time to time throughout the whole ceremony. I sat next to Dinah and watched her stand at the alter smiling. And I knew she was so happy for Normani, finding and holding onto the love of her life. Brad was standing next to her fiancé, not even looking at her. His only two facial expressions consisted of sheer boredom and a scowl I found entirely too inappropriate for the occasion.

I didn't listen to anything being said. I looked at Normani and I wanted so desperately to know what that was like; to look at the person you're with and know in your heart that this is where you belong, right there next to them.

For a while I thought I had that. But that was before everything came crashing down.

I loved Lauren with everything I had in me. I thought we were perfect for each other. And I had never felt that way—loved or cared for anyone that much—in my entire life before I met her. But even though things fell apart, I still know that what I felt was real.

And even after a year she still had the power to make me feel every emotion possible and all at the same time.

I wanted to throw up. I wanted to say hi. I wanted to hug her, kiss her even. I wanted to slap her in the face as hard as I possibly could. I wanted to cry and yell at her. I wanted to ask her how she'd been, if she was doing okay. I wanted to tell her to go to hell. I wanted to leave and go home. And I wanted to see her so badly. I didn't know what to do.

So I just sat quietly next to Dinah and waited for the ceremony to end.

I had absolutely no desire to see or speak to Brad. He and I were friends at one point in time but we were never that close anyway. I didn't miss him at all and I knew he sure as hell didn't miss me. The only thing that resulted of me thinking about him is a fire burning unpleasantly in the back of my throat and the pit of my stomach.