You've Lost That Loving Feeling
Izzy's POV
I was right, he wasn't gonna let me touch him again. It's been a week now. Every time we're alone together it feels really distant. He won't even let me close enough to make any sort of a move on him. Not that I'd even try. I know better than to push him. He's gotta make the next move. It's the only way to know if this thing between us is all one sided. But I don't understand why he let me make love to him if he has doubts now. It really seemed like he wanted it and was into it. Or maybe I wanted him to so much that I projected it.
But that just doesn't add up. Axl wouldn't have done it if a part of him hadn't wanted to. I fucking know Axl. But now he acted like he wished he could take it all back. My luck, he does. Who was I fooling when I thought I could make him love me? He doesn't love me, not the way I love him. I guess that's my misfortune to carry around like a pack mule. I wanted to ask him so bad. But that's the fastest way to start a fight or chase him away all together. It would embarrass him.
So Nikki been dating this Voo Doo chick trying to get information on how to get us back into our own bodies. Duff especially hates this. Hes afraid that if Nikki fucks her in his body that she won't enjoy it and put a curse on his dick or something. So far, Nikki's kept Duff's dick in his pants. Which has to be some sort of a record for Sixx. Maybe he's afraid to fuck her too. I know I would be, even if I had my own dick to do it with.
I don't get it. I revealed my deepest secret and Axl almost has my system clean. I've done my part. So what's Axl gotta fix? What's his secret? Or better yet, what's Duff and Nikki's secrets? Nikki gladly told us Duff's thing to overcome. But what big secrets do they have? I also wonder if Axl and I do what we're supposed to if we have to wait around for Nikki and Duff? Does it take all four of us to be able to get our bodies back?
On a totally unrelated note, Axl made me make up with Erin. And yeah, that includes makeup sex. For the record, that wasn't my idea. But Axl plead a pretty convincing case. So I did it.. I got her flowers, took her to the cliche dinner and a movie and back to her place. Then I fucked her. I didn't want to but what choice did I really have? So with thoughts of Axl I managed to keep it up and get through the whole ordeal. I hate being obligated to do something. But I did it anyway. I guess mostly for Axl.
Afterwards Erin asked me where that came from. I assumed Erin would notice a distinction between the way Axl fucks her and the way I fucked her. She asked me why I had been holding out on her all this time. She said she's never cum so hard before. I'd be a goddamn liar if I said that didn't inflate my ego just a tiny little bit. Every guy likes to hear they're good in the sack. But in this case it just tells me I'm not as good as Axl. But I haven't had the opportunity to let him be the one fucking me yet.
God I wish I knew what was rolling around in his head of mine. It's strange how you get so incredibly used to the expressions on someone's face you're around all the time. You eventually learn every frown, every smile, furrowed brows, even the cock of an eyebrow. But you just never see your own expressions, not unless you sit in a mirror all the time, which I most certainly don't. But I really do wish I could read my expressions as well as I can read everyone else's. It's pretty frustrating. I just wanted to know what was up with that distant stare he keeps in my eyes.
I'd give anything just to see the look he had in my eyes that night. I could see I mattered. I felt it. Oh god how that curious look of wonder in my eyes that night haunted me. I know that something real was happening. It was undeniable that night. It seemed so mutual. And oh the way we touched...that longing feeling, the ache of cumming so hard. But now...now it's like I'm invisible. He only talks to me as needed. He hasn't looked at me once since that night. I feel spurned, rejected, discarded, unimportant, and worse of all regretted.
I should have expected Axl to get all weird. I should have prepared myself for an inevitable let down. If I had any sense at all I would have just kept my fucking mouth shut. Axl would never be comfortable with the world knowing that he and I were together. I can only mean one thing to him,, sex. I would always be his dirty secret. I'd be living a lie while he does as he damn well pleases. It wasn't fair. None of it was. Well, for me it wasn't. Axl... Axl's another story all together.
I really need to get out of here. I needed to be away from the guys. I especially needed to be away from Axl. I needed to go somewhere quiet and isolated. My heads all fucked up. I needed to get shit straight but there's no way to do that with things between Axl and I being at a stalemate stuck in limbo. I know that every day will be like this until Axl resolves things between us. And yeah, I'll wait, I'd wait as long as it takes if I only had a sign. But I'm not holding my fucking breath on it.
