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0.25 everything i didn't say

-thanks to you all for being patient with me since i dont update often but i hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm so sorry these last chapters have been kinda sad next one will move on from Jake so yeahh , comment , vote , if you all want but thanks again for reading and for the support love you -

How does your heart say goodbye to someone you love so much? This pain is taking all my breath away , i wished i could've made him stay , as if I had a power to do so. I want to be awoken and have this all be a bad dream instead I'm sitting here in a black dress reviewing my speech for the funeral which I'm not at all prepared for. The boys are silently sitting on the couch waiting for me for add the final touches, everything I write seems off and wrong . 

Finally I get up brush out my dress, but before leaving I grab a single photo of Jake and I, when we just started dating but it was the day we confessed to each other that we were in love with each other , and i thank his sister for listening in because of her that picture existed. I also grab this letter i had written for him a couple of days before his death ,thinking I would day be able to share with him the letter, I guess i will be able to just not the way I had hoped I would have been able to. 

Finally i nod to the boys that i was okay with leaving now, Luke offered to drive but Calum was the first to come by my side and slip his arm into mine and guide me to the car.The ride there i was trying to tell myself that it was time to say goodbye , yet everything I wrote didn't seem right for the man Jake was. When we got there i was flooded with his family and a bunch of hugs , as his mother spoke i got more and more nervous 

I turned to see Luke , it was forever since i had talked to him , i missed it . He looked up and I sucked in my breathe , he gave me a small smile as if he was wishing me good luck. I didn't get to smile back before my name was called to speak. 

Relax Emma you can't let down Jake, you won't. 

" Many of you here today are Jake's family and for that I'm truly so deeply sorry for your loss . I was going to do a sappy  speech but i figured Jake and all my memories with him didn't deserve an ending like that, so instead I am going to tell you guys how we met."

I looked at the picture of Jake and I , and in that moment i knew i was ready to part ways .

"Jake and I met at a party, so a typical college couple meeting together, anyway that night i was still busy crying over this boy who had hurt me so bad, thankfully Jake was there that night and was not going to let me be all sad and came to talk to me. From that night we hung out everyday and the weirdest thing of all we said i love you before we dated, at this point we knew each other for 5 months , didn't date just were together 24/7 until one day we were visiting his family and we were behind his house just kind of discussing what we were at that point and randomly in the middle of a sentence he said he loved me. In that moment my love for him came out adn i clearly said i love you , i count those 5 months when we didn't know what we were doing as us dating because he was there for me , my emotional partner .Jake was so great, he constantly supported me and god dang it i know he would've been the greatest , most determined lawyer and willing to help anybody . I'm a little bitter that God took him away from me , I feel like i didn't have enough time to love him, three years was not enough. Nothing i can say will be enough to say how much of a man he was. But all i hope is that my love continues for him , even if we weren't endgame , i hope i make him proud, i hope you're proud of me Jake, cause i sure as hell was proud of you . Love you Jake." 

and that was my goodbye to the man i loved.