showbiz // phan

Falling Down

Falling Down // Chapter Four

It had been a little less than three weeks since Phil had asked Dan to meet for a coffee, and hell, was he in love with the pretty brunette boutique owner.

Dan had already introduced Phil to his closest friends, Pauline, Chris, and also Dodie, and they've all been really nice, even though Pauline's first question had been how exactly he and Dan had met. That confused him a bit but it also made Dan laugh so Phil was more than fine with the weird question she asked before he had even been able to say hello.

Truth was, Dan was capable of making Phil as happy like no one else had ever been before. It seemed to be so easy for him, and Phil loved that. He wasn't even sure what exactly it was about Dan that made him feel that way, but at some point, he just figured that it was basically everything.

He'd fallen for Dan, and god, did he fall hard, but he couldn't care less. He felt like for once in his life, he had been lucky. Just this one time, the universe didn't hate him.

They weren't together yet, but Phil hoped Dan felt the same way about him as Phil did.

But there was one thing that was bothering Phil, and he couldn't deny it. In Dan's eyes, Phil was just an actor with some side job. But Phil had missed the point to tell Dan what exactly his side job was.

There was a moment where Dan had asked, because of course the topic had to come up at some point, and Phil had just said, "I work in some bar," which technically wasn't a lie. He did work in a bar, but Dan probably assumed that he was a barkeeper or something.

Phil was just so embarrassed, he hated what he did, what he had to do, however, he needed the money.

But he was scared Dan wouldn't understand, he was scared Dan wouldn't want to be with him anymore if he found out what he did to earn money.

It wasn't just what he did in front of people in the club, it was what he did with some of them when they took him home for the right amount of money. It wasn't many people he did that with, but whenever he ran low on money, that guy, Nathan, was the easiest way to get it.

Of course, Dan wouldn't want that.

Since he met Dan, Phil refused to sleep with Nathan, though. It just felt wrong.

Besides the fact that Dan was in his life now, Phil felt as if he was falling down, constantly. He was fine when he was with Dan, but it was the moments in which Phil was left alone in which he started to crumble. He had started to get tired.

In the past few weeks, Dan had told Phil more than once how much it impresses him that Phil just gave up on everything to follow his passions. But sometimes, Phil started to wonder if that really was the right thing.

It wasn't like he was completely unsuccessful. He got some roles in his life before, of course he did, but they were almost irrelevant. He would be the sidekick of the sidekick's sidekick, not important to the storyline, just because his persona wouldn't fit the characters he actually wanted to play.

He was talented, they told him that all the time, but never good enough.

His phone screen lit up, telling him he received a message. He looked at it and smiled a bit when he saw it was from Dan. But the smile faded quickly when he turned off his phone again.