Unlimited || Bucky Barnes

The Journal

I scrambled to find the time period each one of the journals was written in. They varied from his time in Europe, to before being put in cryo, and living in the tower. I dug through until I found his most recent one, still with the pen sticking out at the top. I opened to where it was bookmarked and started reading the left page. He wrote in fragments, which made sense from what he told me before. He wrote almost daily about what he did that day, and what he remembered that day. He probably wrote whenever he was alone and had time to think.

..........

"I met this amazing girl today. Her name is Darby and she has special powers. Hydra took her from her family, which made my hatred for them burn brighter. Watching that young girl get so upset made my blood boil against Hydra.

..........

Fury assigned her to stay with me, and I found myself quite fond of her. She was still very cautious and scared, I could tell. But she had a fun and humorous side to her, which I couldn't resist.

..........

Darby had a nightmare and she collapsed in the hallway. I tried to leave her to herself, but all she wanted was me. I didn't see myself as the consoling type, but something about her made me feel so protective over her.

We kept talking later that day and we started to get into a deep conversation. I think we started talking about life boats or something like that. I can't remember because I'm watching this television show right now that I find really funny.

Darby fell asleep next to me and she looks so calm and beautiful. She was so afraid to hurt me that she was forcing herself to stay awake. It broke my heart to see how much Hydra scared her into thinking she was a monster. She reminded me of myself sometimes.

When I look at her, I start to remember myself in Hydra captivity. All those times they would throw me aside to rot and shiver in the dark, if they didn't shove me back into cryo, that is. So cold and alone, I didn't have anyone to rest against when I felt weighed down. I'm just glad that Darby does.

..........

I have to go on a mission today to kick some Hydra butt. Steve is going with me to check out a base, but I'm feeling doubt about leaving Darby like this. I think that Natasha might be able to keep her calm, so she's going to stay with Darby while I'm gone.

Part of me is telling myself that I should stay because Darby needs me, but part of me is saying that I should stay because I want her."

..........

My heart was hurting the whole time. I could hear his voice reading this to me and I went along. I still didn't understand why he wanted me to read these, or what he was talking about in the note. Why was he sorry?

..........

"It was a trick. It was all a trick. Hydra wanted me back because apparently their "old asset" was not functional. I'm assuming that the timid girl upstairs was supposed to be their new and dangerous puppet. My head is pounding and I'm still a little blurry on what happened. My hands are a little shaky from the medication they put me on here in the infirmary. I'm thinking now is a good time to write before Darby finds me.

I remember getting to the base. I remember them trapping me in a room and saying the words I dread the most. After that, everything is hazy. They gave me a gun and brought me into a room with two people, or "traitors" as they were almost always referred to as. Whether they were actually traitors or not is still a mystery. Their faces were unidentified and covered with a mask of sorts, their purpose was unclear. One of the voices sounded like a woman, and she inaudibly mumbled something to the other person. Rarely was I ever sent to kill a woman, but I guess it wasn't my job to care about those things as the Winter Soldier. All that mattered was that I got the job done.

Surprisingly, Hydra was done with me after that and sent me a different direction. I remember lots of green, the forest. I can vaguely remember running stealthily through the forest. At the time, I didn't realize that I was hunting down what I wanted to protect the most.

Then I remember seeing Darby's face screaming. She was screaming my name, telling me to stop. She looked hurt, like her heart was tearing itself apart. Her deciding whether to kill me or let me kill her was utterly gut-wrenching as I think about it.

Nothing recollects in my mind after that."