Take Me Home • h. styles ✔

17 | Taking Chances

HARRY

     Harold, go to sleep.

 

     Close your eyes Harold.

 

     That’s it, keep them closed. Don’t open them.

 

     “Shit!” I muttered upon my fiasco of making an attempt to sleep as I ended up jolting from my bed.

      Despite the dimness that swamped over the room, my eyes and mind still couldn't find the will to have their break. In these typical scenarios, I should’ve had been asleep at the moment, but it was bothering for me to stay wide awake at three o’ clock in the morning. My thoughts were quite abstracted, for they were only filled with nothing but the pleasant times that I had with Hannah few moments earlier. Her face and her smile wouldn't desert my mind, and it was driving me insane, for it had been a long time since I felt this before. To be honest, I didn't know where I got the guts to make that move with her. During those times, I was sidetracked by the way how she talked to me, and how she broke down in tears as soon as she confessed her reasons for the tragedy outside in London with Niall. My wish had been granted, and I was really grateful to have that chance to show how much I love her.

     Although, as endearing and special as the moments we shared was, my mind had been always thinking about Louis. With every move I had made for our sweet, little dance, I was hurting inside. As our hands and fingers interlaced with each other, slowly setting ourselves in motion to the acoustic music, I couldn't help but be ecstatic with our touch. It was supposed to be the best feeling I’ve ever had, but I knew that I had to make my limitations. Like my dad used to say, it’s not bad to take chances once in a while, and with every endeavor of taking such would have an associated outcome. That’s why I decided to take that chance, for I knew that it would be probably my first and last to express myself to Hannah. My mind had been telling me that I would not be good enough for her, and I had decided to dissociate myself from their relationship. Both of them definitely deserved to be happy, and that would be the best thing I could do.

     “Yeah, yeah, that’s what I should do,” I whispered to myself.

     After all, it would be completely impossible for Hannah to have feelings for me. She and Lou had been together for five months, and my chances of being loved back would be out of the question. She just needed someone to let her emotions out with, and it turned out to be me. She had broken down from her last dispute with her father, because she didn't want Louis to leave her. It was simple logic. They both love each other, and they were just timid to admit it to themselves, while I was here, expecting something that I knew I wouldn't receive.

     On the brighter side of things, everything was worth it. I knew that the gestures that I had shown her moments earlier were merely intimations of friendship, and I accepted that. Still, it was worth it. I got the chance to show her that I would be here for her, that I could be someone whom she could trust in these times of ordeal. I was able to touch her hand, and stroke her supple fingers that entwined with mine with gentle caresses. Her approval of letting her head lean tenderly on my shoulder made me in tears, and I was thankful that she wasn't able to witness my weeps of despair and ecstasy. Those tears connoted both the beginning and the end of my sentiments for her, and they were enough to say how happy I was with Hannah’s friendship.