Coming Home // Sidemen AU (Minizerk)

2014

Warning: mentions of self-harm

4 years missing...

He didn't quite know how it had happened; when the transition between him being a layabout son at home to being a son who still lived at home but made money from playing video games. He'd never imagined joining onto that little passion project and when he had he never imagined Ethan would be following in his footsteps.

It was strange. To them they were just playing video games and having a laugh with each other, but for some reason other people wanted to watch them be idiots, people from all over the world. They'd even invited Harry, the kid Josh had been fond of, to join them. He was alright, a bit of an idiot but a nice enough kid.

GTA was where it was at. That was the game they played the most and was what got them the most views, except for JJ who seemed to get the most views for his real life videos. He was almost considered a celebrity in the internet world. Watching someone smash up a laptop wasn't really Simon's thing be each to their own he supposed.

Their name came from GTA though. The name people were starting to know their little group as. The six of them including Harry. The Sidemen.

It was a term Josh and Tobi used to say a lot during their school days and it just sort of fitted. People seemed to like it anyway, or fans. They had fans now...Mad ting.

Despite their unexpected growing success and the fact that he no longer felt quite as guilty for crashing at his parents place now he could pay them back with his YouTube money, life did not really seem any brighter for Simon. In fact it had never been bleaker. The guilt ate at him everyday, whenever he started to have the slightest bit of fun it would be there reminding him that his best friend was not there to share it with him.

He found a way to cope, if you could call it coping. He could barely remember how it started, or when, sometime in the middle of the year though. He had awoken from a particular horrible nightmare, one where a fake Josh was tormenting him for not being good enough, for being so pathetic. Running to the bathroom to splash water on his face, it was then that Simon had spied his razor and an idea had formulated in his sleep-deprived brain.

His hands working automatically, he had been tearing the razor apart and pulling out the silver blade, it's edges glinting temptingly under the white light. When he'd made the first cut it had hurt like hell, the amount of blood that ran down his arm almost scaring him into stopping. Almost.

The next few cuts weren't as bad, and afterwards he'd felt better, almost pleased with himself. He'd found a way to release his guilt and anger onto himself, no one else was getting hurt here. Or at least that's what he told himself.

He'd been stupid really, thinking that the other boys wouldn't notice the change. The weight he had lost, and the paling colour of his already pale skin. The way he took to wearing long sleeved shirts or hoodies all the time.

It had been a house party at JJ's new pad when he'd finally been caught, some four months after he'd started. Someone he didn't know had started talking loudly about Josh, not in a mean way but not in a way that was sensitive to those who knew the boy best, and Simon just had to get away before he lashed out, the alcohol not helping matters.

Dashing to the bathroom he didn't bother to think what impression he had just made, removing the blade from his pocket and attacking his arms, the most ferociously he had done in a while. He didn't know how many cuts he'd made, or how long he'd been crouched on the bathroom floor crying, when there was an urgent knock on the door.

"Simon?" It was Ethan. He sounded worried. Why did he sound so worried? Simon couldn't understand why anyone would be so worried about him. Then the door had been busted open and the figure of the younger boy was towering above him. "Simon!"