Buzzed Hearts

80: heart to heart

"YOU KNOW HOW RELUCTANT I am about that," Camila tells Laurent, who's waiting for her response with his hands tucked neatly into his coat pockets.

For the first time, Laurent King—slacker with a rumored heart of gold, striker not only on the field but on the streets—takes a step back. "Do you hate me?"

This question holds a vice-like grip on Camila's heart, and her eyes soften, no longer prepared to brace the winter winds. In every relationship she's ever had, she's always told the truth. Always, always the first one to admit that her feelings have disappeared.

"No," she says. "I don't hate you. I-I don't think I ever could."

They're standing in the streets, bare for all. In the distance, Elle, Roma, and Jeremy linger before taking off, deciding to leave the two of them alone. Laurent's cheeks are rosy, either from the bellinis or the bordeaux.

"Fuck, I..." He starts walking towards Camila, who turns around and strolls. "After that night..."

"I don't hate you," Camila repeats firmly. "I just don't know what your intentions are with me, and that makes me wary."

"Understandable."

"And you knew what my intentions with you were, yet you still did what you did."

"What did I do? I'm...still lost about it."

"You don't know?"

"I really don't," he says softly.

"You kissed me, again and again, but you say you don't reciprocate. You can't just do whatever you want," she says. "And then you disappear off to Europe and call me every night, drunk off your ass. You confuse me so much."

They're walking side by side, and Camila is glad he can't see the tears forming.

"Mila," his voice cracks, and he stops. "Fuck, I didn't—I never—mean to. You know that, right? I only told you to wait, not make yourself unavailable to everyone else. I didn't think it mattered so much."

"It doesn't! It's okay for you to say wait, but when you don't say how long, obviously it's going to make me frustrated."

"Okay." He takes it in. "You went to prom with Andrew, and you know, at first I thought 'good for her!' but then I saw you two together, and then this...fucking jealousy. I left senior trip early because I couldn't stand it."

"Then you should've told me," Camila says, exasperated. "You never tell me anything. Us, too. You never tell Jer anything even though you two are admittedly close."

"Didn't think he'd like to hear me pine over you and shit. And I needed time away from you. I'm not like you, Mila. I don't confront people over shit like this."

"Shit like what?"

"Shit like hurting and being hurt. When someone hurts me and they don't mean to, it's really just a me thing, isn't it? No point making someone feel guilty for something they can't help."

Camila blinks. "But if you talk to them, there's a chance they'll try not to do the same things again."

"Yeah, but there's a chance they ignore you, saying they're not responsible."

"Is that what you're afraid of?" she asks.

They halt at a stoplight, but even when it turns green, all they can do is stare at each other.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Okay. Just know that I wouldn't do that because I know what it's like," she says. Maybe all he needed was someone to listen to him.

"We should probably get back to them." Laurent nods his head to their direction.

She agrees. "Don't think this is our last heart-to-heart, King."

For one lovely second, his face lights up in a grin. "We call that a tête-à-tête."

***

okay babes! i'm finally done editing so the next chapter is completely new! next update should come pretty soon :-)

if you have any questions and want to reach me, my ask.fm is @spookysaint and my twitter is @spookysaints. they're both linked in my profile. have a lovely weekend/week!