Over Again ( A Kian Lawley / O2L )

Chapter 18 - Past

Chapter18

“Maddie, I love you.”

Maddie, I love you.

Maddie, I love you.

Maddie, I love you.

Skylar’s words keep repeating over and over in my head, bouncing around, making me dizzy. I don’t know how to respond because well, I’m speechless.

Do I love Skylar? Honestly, I have not a clue. I do know that I don’t love him as much as I love Kian, but I do have strong feelings for him.

I guess the real question here is: can I let myself get past Kian and start over with someone else? Can I let everything we had go to waste? Can I accept that me and Kian will never be together again? Can I let myself fall in love all over again?

These questions keep multiplying, turning into thousands of thoughts and questions running through my head. By telling him that I love him back, he would most likely believe that I have moved on from Kian. Do I want him to believe that? Because while I may love him, whom I am beginning to think I do, I still love Kian. The only thing that will change that is time away from Kian.

Will me saying, “I love you,” back be worth it? Will it change anything between me and Skylar? Will he become more protective? Will he become more controlling about who I can and can’t talk to?

My head literally hurts from the questions that keep fogging my mind, all of them running at the speed of light, trying to cram their way into my brain. I can’t take these questions anymore.

“I love you, Skylar,” I reply, nearly regretting the words as they come out of my mouth. But I don’t regret them. Actually, I feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I realize that I do in fact love Skylar, whether or not the love is as strong as it was for Kian.

I realize that I can’t let a past relationship hold me back from having a good one now. Once I finally understand this, my mind can comprehend things better and I can finally begin to get over Kian.

I look back at Skylar with honesty in my eyes, his eyes lighting up with happiness. “Really?” he whispers.

I pause a second, making sure that this is the direction I want to go. I nod my head before he grins, smashing his lips on mine.

The kiss is caring and a little too forceful for my liking, but I don’t do anything about it. Instead I just kiss back with all the emotion in my body. Skylar makes a small moaning noise before pulling away from the kiss.

He grabs my arm, nearly dragging me across the parking lot to his car. I try to keep up with his pace, but he is getting quicker by the second.

When we get to his car, he grabs his keys and unlocks it, opening the passenger before gently guiding me to sit down. He places a light kiss on my lips before he basically runs around the front of his car and he gets in the driver’s seat. Within seconds, we’re out of the parking lot, headed straight to his apartment.

The car ride is silent, but not in an awkward way. I’m not sure why actually, but he won’t talk. His jaw is clenched and his hands are tight on the steering wheel. I notice something else about his body that seems a little tense, causing me to giggle and look away.

Damn it I know exactly why he is quiet. My guess, which is most likely correct, is that Skylar is extremely horny right now and is planning on sleeping with me tonight. This would make sense since we just confessed our love for each other, but I’m not sure if I want to yet.

I mean, I just don’t know. Do I want to have sex with Skylar yet? I think that we need to wait longer. We have only been dating for about three months. I don’t think I can do this yet.