CHAPTER SEVENTY SEVEN

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"Brooke," Michael said as I was about to grab the door to the record shop and walk back in. I turned to face him, raising my eyebrows at him to give him my full attention.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Please, don't take in anything that I said..." His voice trailed off the one hundreth time today. "...like, personally. If that makes sense?"

I had to stop and think about that for a second. Take it personally? How could I take any of what Michael said personally?

"I won't." I assured with a smile. Although, even I didn't know what I mean't. We walked into the shop, and I made no hesitation to look for Ashton. And, there he was, tidying up the shelves and shelves of CDs. For some reason, I just stopped and looked at him. His body was turned towards a messy shelf of albums, his hands rested on his hips as his eyes traveled up and down it with his eyebrows together in thought. I tilted my head to the side, smiling to myself as he just...did his thing, I guess. He wasn't doing anything extremely cute or intriguing, he was just...living. Living and breathing, carrying out his duties. As weird and creepy as that sounds, it made me happier and more relaxed than before to just watch him. He looked peaceful, but I could tell it was the complete opposite.

After what Michael told me just minutes ago, it all made sense now. I always knew Ashton had stuff going on inside of his head, but now that I think back on it, I'm so wrong. I'm wrong at the fact that I used to say I know what he thinks about, because I really don't. I really don't know what this boy lives with, and don't think I ever will. He's been pressured too many times, he's been verbally and maybe even phyiscally tortured too many times, and he's worried too many times. Worried about what, though? What else is there to worry about? I know its bad to say that his mother is probably...never coming back...but unfortunately, I feel like that's the truth. Jessie's obviously moved on as well...so where does that leave Ashton? With me, I guess.

Then, it clicked. What Michael meant when he said "Don't take it personally." And when he said he's trying to not put a burden on my shoulders. He meant that I shouldn't feel like it's now all my responsibility to "look after" Ashton. I mean, I don't really think of it like that anyways. To me, Ashton seemed like he was just fine on his own, why would he absolutely need me? I know I'm always there to talk to him and listen to him...but am I really the only thing that stands between Ashton and insanity?

Then again, Michael did say there wasn't a burden at all. He said I pulled him out of that dark place he was apparently in before I moved here, and that he's never going to go back to it. I guess that means if Ashton and I were to ever break up, nothing would happen to Ashton. He would stay the way he is today: happy. Which is good, and I'm glad that Michael's theory makes sense.

My thoughts were interrupted when Ashton looked over to me, a huge smile on his face. "Hurray food!" He sang, taking the bag of thai food that I had grasping onto for the past 10 minutes. I forced out a laugh, and followed him into the break room to sit down. I needed to, I was beginning to feel dizzy with all the things I was thinking about.

...

By now it was 5:30pm, and I'll be honest. By the time we left that record shop, I was about ready to cry out of boredum. But, it beats going home, that's for sure. I had spent 5 hours watching Ashton work, and lucky for me Michael was there too to talk to me when Ashton disappeared among the many isles of CD shelves. As much as I talked to Michael, I never took my eyes off of Ashton. Literally, my eyes were glued to him for 5 hours straight. I just watched him; taking in all his magnificent beauty and tryig to figure out what he was really thinking about. I was unsuccessful, obviously.

Now, Michael had gone home and Ashton and I were pulling up the curb outside the apartment complex. Ashton was how he usually is, which is good, but I still feel like I should get his mind off the obvious things inside of it.

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