또 몇 밤을 더 새워야
널 보게 될까? 이홉] 만나게 될까?
dear jungkook,
i saw this one interview that you had while you were back in L.A. for the american hustle life. the interviewer asked you if you've ever experienced true love. a part of me got nervous for your answers, but i continued watching because i wanted to know what you would say.
"when i was young, it was like i was in a relationship but not really a relationship," you started. i felt a part of me broke. not really in a relationship?
"when we're young, we would go out with each other as a joke and stuff," you continued. a joke?
i paused the video for a few seconds. i was so confused. i wasn't ready to hear what else are you going to say.
but i pressed play anyway. i wanted to see and hear you talk about us to different people.
"it's been 200 days and i still haven't met up with her." you said and laughed. what's so funny, jungkook? is it fun leaving me hanging here?
and then i realized. 200 days. it has been 200 days since i last attended your fanmeet. my thoughts were all crumpled in my head as i analyzed everything. did you know? did you know that i've been seeing you for the past few events?
"there was a time like that," you said. "so i said, 'let's break up.'" my heart froze. you never said anything like that, jungkook. why are you doing this?
"but back then, i thought being in a relationship and not being in a relationship were the same thing. like 'is this what it's like being in a relationship?'" you explained. i can feel my eyes getting teary. i wasn't sure if i could watch this interview any longer.
"but i don't think we went out though," you added. "i never experienced real love before."
i turned off my laptop as soon as you said that. i couldn't take it anymore. each words that were coming out from your mouth felt like knives that continuously stabs me straight through my heart. why did you say such things, jungkook? why would you act like everything was just a joke between us when it never really wasn't? what was i to you? was all that we had just nothing?
i believed every single words you have said to me years ago. we were young, yes, but i knew that everything you said was sincere and i know they came from your heart. but seeing you right now denying everything between us just makes me question everything we've been through.
jungkook, did you really love me? or was everything just for fun?
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author's note: the interview was real. jungkook said it in an unreleased cut of ahl. i'll put the link on the external link since it's not from yt. (the one from yt has a different sub, idk which one is more accurate lol)
